It's All Fun and Games.

That is, till someone get's hurt.

Which quite possibly could be happening this Tuesday. I don't want to go to my brother's birthday dinner, and I may do anything to get out of it. Thing about this is that we just went out to lunch with friends today, and will be going out to dinner on Monday for wings which is our ritual. I don't really feel like going out again for wings on Tuesday, and everything but the wings tastes sub-par at the place of their choice.

It is not that I don't like my brother either. I love him. I just don't think that since his birthday is Sunday, that we should be celebrating early. It is one thing to celebrate after, but another to do it almost a week before. I think it is cheating lol.

So for once I have a dilhemma in my family. To go, or not to go. To disappoint or to suck it up. Right now I am choosing disappoint, just because of poor planning (I found out yesterday) but I will see how I am feeling tomorrow, and Monday, never know, things may change. My heart might unfreeze by then!

The Ugly Truth

The single best part about being home all day long, and not having a job is that i get to go about my day as I please, and not deal with the criticism of my decisions. Today I didn't do much at all as I didn't plan on doing anything other than clean up a little and possibly bake cookies, but as the day went on, I decided that I wanted to watch one of my Netflix movies and wrap the remainder of the gifts that we bought last night. I was not amused to find out that the wrapping paper that we bought was thin, and you could see through it, and I was even more un-amused that the movie that I had chosen was fiarly good, but unrealistic. It's called "The Ugly Truth" and starts the blond from Grey's Anatomy. I usually like her because she plays a strong female lead role, however she portrayed a desperate control freak and submitted to stupidity.

It got me to thinking that it is not right for people to expect someone to change just for them. I guess it is understandable to want people to change, but you have to be realistic in understanding that if something is not in a person's nature, they most likely will not change and start an activity just because someone wants them too. For instance, I have always washed my dishes right after dinner, in order to keep the kitchen clean, and my OCD in check. I can relax much easier that way, and I have peace of mind when I finish the job. However, Nick was not brought up the same way, so I always do the dishes. We had an agreement for a while that if I cooked, he would clean up, and he never did it right after dinner, so I couldn't relax. I started to do the dishes right after dinner all the time, and realized it just wasn't something I could expect him to do because he has been trained to not do them right away (if at all... poor cast iron pan he used on Sunday was found Monday morning by me, and I was not amused.)

It is a small thing that I have come to terms with, and I was a little upset when the movie took so long making a point that this was the case. the fact that they did it in a backwards way was much worse, and I still don't understand what they were tying to prove. Just goes to show you that sometimes there are ugly falsehoods hidden in the ugly truth.

Why Things Don't Work.

I am beginning to think that this whole, saying hi to everyone thing might not work out. Today I went to the Post Office, something that I planned on doing since I had planned on saying hi to everyone that I meet, and upon saying the standard greeting of 'Hello' I was shocked at the response.

The poor woman that I said hi to turns to her husband who was sitting at the counter and says "Robert, do you know this woman!?! Is she trying to mug me?!?" He turns to me and looks me over, and then turns to her and says, "No, I've never seen her before" turning to me "do we know you?" I was kind of stunned and just mumbled "No, I was just saying hi." The woman then turns to me and does that old woman eye roll, you know the one that everyone's Grandmother makes when you do something that is ridiculous and they don't really want to chastise you for, and then says to me, "Dear, if this is your way of distracting me to get my purse, it is not working."

So that went well right?

Excessive Shyness

I have decided today that there are not enough self-help manuals out there that can help everyone. Mainly because the people who write the books are usually "survivors" of the symptoms of which they claim to be able to help solve.

I need a self help book on self confidence and getting over my shyness. There is nothing in my local library that covers both aspects, and nothing that I have found through my research. I am crippled in social situations because of these aspects of my life, and I have lost out on so many opportunities that were, as other people describe them, perfect for me. The most recent and most compelling to me is my inability to get a job. I have more than enough credentials to get the jobs that I am applying for, so competence is not the issue. I am finding that the issue is that I am socially awkward and unremarkable when it comes to face to face interviews. Metlife is the most recent company that I applied to and failed miserably. I tried to blame it on the fact that I was interviewing with a male, and therefore intimidated, I blamed it on the fact that I didn't own any good clothing, and that he thought I looked too plain. I also blamed it on the fact that I lost my previous job for taking the wrong person's advice and getting fired, therefore failing the background check portion.

None of those reasons would be the only reason for my not getting the job, so I had to reflect on things that I said and things that I did in the interview, and sure enough I thought that I was a complete basket-case when it came to the interview. I answered every question right, but my body language was all over the map. One minute I was confident in my skills, and the next I was cowering back because I had no clue what I was doing there. The building was intimidating and the people were more so. I had never i my life had to have an ID tag to visit a building before, and to me that was scary and ominous of the fact I might not be ready for what the job had to offer me.

I think in that case, my self confidence failed me, and let's face it, I am not all that confident as it is, so a failure of my confidence is not a significant drop, but it leads to great overall failure. I have been talking to myself for weeks telling myself that opportunities come and go and I just have to find the job that is right for me, and the more I tell myself this the more ridiculous it sounds. What more could I want than to help people? The job I would have been doing would have directly helped those people that are struck with grief after a loved on dies. I would be giving the good news that checks would be sent to them monthly thanks to the benefits that their loved one had left in their name. I would be giving GOOD NEWS in an insurance company. I would be the good guy, and I REALLY wanted that job. It was just too bad I blew it. so after what I would call a major pitfall (breaking down to the point of ceasing my job search and saying "screw it" all too many times) I finally woke up to the fact that just because I don't think I can do it, does not mean that I can't.

I decided that I would have to help myself. I looked up self help books because they are supposed to help, and I like reading so at least my reading list would get longer than just the Sookie Stackhouse novels that I have been reading month after month. There was nothing for me out there in the world of books, and yet again I felt defeated. Till this morning when I was walking home from church (something else i gave up on for a while) and I had an epiphany. Why rely on someone else when I am so scared of every person I encounter?

I have decided that I am going to write my own self help book. Or rather I am going to stick to stages of my own self help in order to deal with it. Step 1 for me will be saying "hello" to everyone that I pass. This is hard for me being that not everyone that I pass is friendly, and although I live in a small town, I will have to force myself to leave the house, and socialize with someone other than my dog and my family. I don't really like the idea, but I think it will be helpful to force myself out of my comfort zone more often. I can't tell you how intimidating step 1 is right now because as it was before I tended to walk around town with my head down, and avoided contact with people. I think the holiday season will give me an excuse to be friendly, and that way I won't feel like a fool. Because let's face it, needing a list to force myself to be social feels foolish enough.

I'm Baaack!

Sort of.

Things have been so hectic, and I am actually without a computer at the moment. My computer took a nose dive into a nightmare. One of the wires that controls the power adapter fried completely and I attempted to fix it, and in the process reset the bios battery... Which I actually have no idea what the bios battery does, but it did funny things for the computer, and made me freak out. We are waiting for a new power adapter to arrive so that we can hook it up and I can have a computer, but it is taking forever. It has been over a month and every time that I have to use the computer I have to hip-check Nick out of the way to use his. I feel horrible, but at the same time the computer was old and it was about time that something went wrong, and I am just glad it was only the power adapter.

Other than that, things are running smoothly in my life. We are ready for Christmas to come, our tree is up, and the place is somewhat decorated. We have all of our gifts purchased, and we have plans for the holiday that do not include traveling. We only have to walk two streets to go see my mother on Christmas, and we can relax! Thanksgiving was spent with Nick's family, and it was a little surprising that it was not a complete mess. Everyone was fairly nice, and there were only a few spiteful comments made in my direction the entire day. I am beginning to think that Nick's family really does not like me because we don't travel as much anymore, but I can't really help that I do not have a job right now. I have applied just about everywhere that I know an am really hoping that some of the applications that are reaching their deadlines will finally open up opportunities that I deserve.

I am excited to get back to blogging. I watched "Julie and Julia" and it was about a girl who worked her way through Julia Child's cookbook for an entire year, and blogged about it. It was really good, and I was thinking that possibly I will blog about something useful. Not sure what, but I might come up with something.

Anyway, today is filled with movies while I sit on the couch an avoid going outside in the horrible weather, and baking dog biscuits. My brother's dog is getting a slow-feed dog bowl due to his binging problem which causes him to be hungry all of the time, and in order to make him a little happier about the frustration that he will have to endure for the rest of his life, I am making him homemade dog biscuits. They are mostly healthy, and contain nothing bad for the dog, and quite possibly would be ok for a human to eat! I am going to dip them in a beef gravy "frosting" before I give them to him, and even he will have a happy holiday! Hopefully you will too!

I'm Livin'

And thankfully it is not just for the weekend. The gauze and tape have been removed from the finger, and the finger is mobile enough that I an comfortable enough to say that I think it is ok. It still hurts, and give me stiffness issues once in a while when it just sits around doing nothing, but I am slowly rehabbing it into a better version of the injured pinky that it is.

We went to Maryland for the weekend, arriving on Thursday night, as Nick took Friday off, and leaving Sunday afternoon. I was a great day on Friday where we went to the Franklin Mills Mall in Philadelphia which is basically a ton of outlet stores combined with regular mall stores. I found the JCPenny outlet very helpful in finding me some clothes, as well as Dress Barn which I have actually never been in before. It was a really interesting day of trying on everything that I saw, and finding a lot that I liked and almost nothing in my size for a while, and then finding some diamonds in the rough that I was really proud to buy. So I will be work-ready as the interview calls start coming in. We also stopped and bought a really nice coat from Burlington Coat Factory, and since it was my first time ever being in that store as well I was pleasantly surprised at that one as well.

We headed to NJ for dinner that night with some of our friends, and ate at my favorite sushi place, Tomo Sushi, and I realized why I missed them so much all over again. I wish there was a Tomo sushi place around here! I think me and Nick would frequent it, and very possibly lose our minds. After dinner we headed to one of our friends house and watched old episodes of Shark Tank, which was a really good show. I thought it was going to be about shark fishing or some ridiculous discovery channel rip-off, but if you look it up on abc.com you will see that I was way off.

After that we intended to stay at his friends house for the night, but instead we decided to head out that night even though it was really late. We wanted to avoid a trip to Lowe's which would have been inevitable had we come through the next day, and we generally hate it when his family asks us to stop and pick stuff up for them on our dime.

Saturday we went to Prime Outlets in MD which I have been to before and we were just in the market for a pair of shoes, so we stayed in the general vacinity of shoe shopping, I got a great pair of loafer heels, that are so comfortable, I honestly would want to wear them all day, and am kind of happy I will most likely get to in the coming weeks.

We went back to his parent's house, and had dinner there, and then played a few games with the kids. We had a lot of fun, but were kind of feeling ready to head back as his father started his little tantrums and tried to make everyone else miserable. We tried not to let is phase us, and instead went to bed, and got ready for our final hours there the next morning.

His aunt showed up the next morning with her kids, and I was so happy to see them. Kristina remembered me, and jumped right into my arms when she got in the house, and I was so glad. Kevin was a little hesitant, but I was ok with that because I really favor Kristina and care more if she forgets me. I know it sounds mean, but I think that we have a really good relationship even though she is only two, and we have a cuddly understanding. We didn't get to stay long after they got there, however we did realize that Nick's uncle still must have it out for us as we had asked his aunt to bring us some stuff that we had left behind, and she had packed it into the truck, but he had taken it out while buckling the kids in, and she didn't realize it. It is stuff that he does not own, and I am sure if I find all the receipts I can file a small claims suit against him and get everything back, but it is ridiculous. We are almost certain that he damaged everything beyond repair, and made it impossible for her to be able to return it. It is really stupid stuff, like a martini shaker that one of my roommates gave me in college, and a Starbucks travel mug that I could really use right now, but it is stuff that me and Nick will both consider lost at this point because he is being such a jerk about it all.

So anyway, we got ready to go a little while after they arrived, and we said goodbye to everyone and packed up the truck. Of course like every time we try to leave, there was drama, and people getting upset over one thing or another, and we ended up packing much more than we had intended into the truck. It left a bad taste in my mouth for a certain member of his family, and unless that person calls to apologize for the way that they have acted, I don't think that there will be holidays where that person is invited, or anymore favors for that person done. It was a really stupid issue that got blown out of proportion, and I really wish that his family could put their egos aside and deal with issues calmly. I thank my lucky stars daily that I have a somewhat normal family that forgives and forgets more than they hold grudges.

After all of that we headed home, stopping at Ikea to look at a desk top, and deciding that we know which one we are getting for Nick. It was fun running around the store and I picked up a Christmas gift for my sister their as well. We arrived at my parents at about ten, and hung out for them a bit and got my house key back from them. After that normal encounter, we headed home and got some needed R&R before heading for bed. Now all of my clothes are finally in the closet, and I have a little bit of sanity back, I am happy I am home, and that we won't have to do it again for at least another month.

Been a Long Time

I have been really sick. Don't know what it is, flu, cold or other, but it has me basically dead to the world. I can't walk too far (2 streets at most) without feeling like I need a nap and a break. So I spend a lot of time at my mother's all day when Nick drops me off in the morning.

Snow fell for the first time two days ago, and most of the leaves are gone, so I completely missed my photo opportunities of fall. However I will probably be doing some High School photos for my brother this week now that he has finally gotten a hair cut. On the subject of family, my grandmother landed herself in the hospital two weeks ago for what was originally diagnosed as a stroke. Thankfully the diagnosis kept changing due to her memory coming back to her, and it was thankfully only a bladder infection. We went to her 50th wedding anniversary party the following weekend and it was like nothing at all had happened. It is official, my mother's family is nuts!

This coming weekend we are going to see Nick's family. I am not too thrilled because it is his family lol. I will be bringing 2 books to read and probably will be shutting myself in seclusion for the weekend. Should be fun getting those read though. I am now on book 4 of a 9 book series, and working my way through them at a stead pace. Going to go to the local library this week though to get some new material though in case 2 books are not enough.

Another reason I do not want to go to Maryland for a weekend is because I have a rather large gash in my finger from some work I was doing around the house, and I am finding it hard to do anything physical without getting hurt by it. My pinky got shut in our screen door and as a reflex I pulled it out and cut it open really wide, cracking the nail in the process, and bleeding all over our kitchen. Now, my pinky is in the way almost all the time, and that sort of makes it really hard for me to do anything. Typing is really hard, so it is taking a lot of time to blog, and there are definitely a lot of other things I can't do as well. Dishes, cooking, showering, and even dressing are all difficult thanks to a gauze covered finger. I am hoping that it will either heal more, or at least be allowable for me not to need it wrapped up all day long. I give it a few hours here and there once in a while, but it gets hurt too easy and the gauze acts as a buffer from danger.

Regardless, things are not going my way by any means. I put my resume out there and it seems as though the job market is at a standstill for me. I am basically begging for anyone to hire me, and getting desperate. Basically I am in a pickle because I can't get a car till I get a job, and the jeep is barely drivable. I also can't get to most jobs without a car, so carpooling with Nick is my only options. I feel like a loser kid whose parents pick her up from the dance because her boyfriend broke up with her. Not sure how it is related to my story, but it's how I feel lol.

How are things with you? Avoiding swine flu? Embracing it? My blog has been so quiet!

My Momma Told Me

She told me to wear a coat when it was cold outside...

Yes that was something that she always said, wear a coat, bundle up and make sure that they bitter cold does not get to you. But I am a typical hard-headed person and I never really listened well. In fact just yesterday in the pouring rain I forgot to wear a proper coat.

Speaking of rain, she always said to use an umbrella...

Yesterday I neglected to bring one with me when I took a walk down to the post office to pack and ship a few things and I got caught in the pouring rain all the way down and all the way back. I was not amused, but I came home to a really warm house and I was happy to cook a nice warm meal. Now however, I am sick. My throat is scratchy and sore and all I want is a real teapot to boil tea in. I have been waiting for weeks for one that my mother swears is coming from my neighbor, but I am beginning to think that I should just get one of my own and return hers if I don't like it better than the one I get... and if I do like it better, then I will return mine lol.

I am sick and lounging on the couch for the day, which isn't really off from a normal day, just more miserable than usual because I would rather the weather stay dreary, but the sun keeps peeking out. On the plus side I am finishing up a rather dull season of the L Word today. Only one more season and I am finished with it. I will be happy because they killed my favorite character last season and I still have not recovered. Sadly neither has the show and I am glad it no longer exists on TV. Some shows just are not meant to be. Speaking of which, it's almost that time of year to watch LOST I know I still have to get through the holidays and New Year before enjoying it, but it is one of those shows that should never end, and sadly this will be the last season. I am not amused, but I am planning on celebrating every episode of the final season. I was thinking of serving island treats at every showing.

Why Don't I Blog?

Because I make myself so busy during the day that I can't think. Today's chore was to move the bedroom around. Nick wants to be able to watch tv from bed, so in order for that to happen I had to rotate the room. The hardest part was moving everything out of the room. I had to empty all of the dresser drawers from the dresser, and drag them out to the living room, and that cut me off from being able to sit on the couch and take a break. So all day in order to make ti to my couch, I moved tons of furniture around the bedroom in a circle that somewhat trapped me in the middle.

The good thing is that Nick liked it. However he didn't see it until it he was almost ready to leave for a poetry reading. I was exhausted and dozing off when he gave me praise, and I think he was shocked that I had gotten it all done by myself in one day. I admit though, days like these really take all of my energy and make me want to sleep from when I finish (roughly 4:00pm this time) till the next morning. Now I am being really lazy, resting my muscles, and watching a tv show that I am a little submersed in. The L Word. I never watched it when it was on tv, and I think my parents would probably shoot me if they knew that I was watching it now, but it is a good drama with a believable story line. I think it sort of brings the complexities of life to light and makes me realize that no matter how bad things get for me, there is always someone else who had things much worse...like every character in that show for that matter. I like the show, but it is getting boring, I think I may need to find a new Netflix Watch Instantly series to keep me sane.

Pictures that I Blogged About

1st-Cake Topper
2nd-Wine Flutes
3rd- Detail on wine Flutes
4th- The cake service set
5th-Details on the cake service set
6th- Entire Set together... Doesn't it look phenomenal?!?

Visitation Rights

So my cousin came to visit Labor Day weekend and we spent a lot of time together talking, laughing and doing some girly things for the wedding. She is basically the first person from my family other than my parents who has seen the couches and the apartment since we moved in. Somehow the weekend didn't surround that topic though and like my cousin tends to do, she went all out to make me feel like a princess. She is my maid of honor and she brought with her some things that she knows that I have been interested in. She bought almost all of the remaining pieces of my Lenox wedding set!

I received toasting flutes as well as the table/cake topper for the set that me and Nick decided to use for the wedding. I have some photos but I will dedicate the following blog just for the pictures of that stuff. We also decided it was time to go check out some dresses for her and my sister to wear to my wedding. I made them try on a lot of styles and they even made me try on a couple. I have the photos if you want to see them, but out of fear that Nick might sneak into my blog, I can't post them publicly. However the bridesmaids dresses are up for your viewing pleasure as Nick has decided that he doesn't seem to care if those are a surprise. (Little does he know I am sneaky and although he puts in his two sense he may not get a choice but to be surprised.) So as weekends go, that was probably the best weekend that I have had in a long time.

This past weekend was like a completely invisible weekend and although I know we did things, I can't seem to remember what we did or when, and how I got through the weekend in such a fog. I did however realize that weekends like Labor Day weekend are the reason that I want to be in Central New York so much. I would never have been able to spend a weekend like that in NJ. I wouldn't have been able to call my sister last minute to have her meet us at the bridal shop, or call my cousin and say I wanted her to spend the weekend here. I honestly don't know how I spent so much time alone in NJ and did not go crazy! Don't get me wrong, I love NJ too. There are parts of it that I am going to miss, like the amazing weather and lack of snow, but there are parts of NY that make NY too good to be true. Family, friends, and snow on Christmas morning!! I can't wait to see my cousin again in a couple weeks, I am struggling with the perfect gift for her birthday, and not having much luck. So far it is looking like she will get something personalized like a fram or a piece of wall art, but I am not too sure just yet what I have in store for her.

Photo explanation:
photo 1 is some of the detail that I liked in the 5th picture dress, photo 2 is the detail on the leg of the same dress, photo 3 is the back of the dresses in photo 4, photo 4 is one of the two dresses we like the best. Photo 5 is the second dress we really like. Photo 6 is the first dress they tried on and allowed me to decide that I did not want tea length dresses. Photo 7 is the dress that allowed me to decide that the sweetheart bust line did not work well with large straps. Photo 8 was pretty but looked like it would be better for a beach, not a church wedding, photo 9 was a dress I made them try on to see if they looked good with the folds at the waist, needless to say it looked weird at the top as a result. The last picture is the two dresses that we are struggling with. We like them both but aspects of both are throwing us for a loop. We are going to decide after next seasons designs are released in January, this way we won't get something that will not be reproduced in the year we get married.

Video Music Awards

I know it is not front page news, but it is SHOCKING. If you haven't already heard, Kayne West grabbed a microphone from Taylor Swift, who won best video of the year, while she was saying her acceptance speech. He persisted to tell the crowd that Beyonce deserved the award and that she had had "one of the best videos of all time"

Not that I honestly care, but what's with the disrespect? I can't understand why someone would do that to a fellow artist. It's people like that who give others like them a bad name, and make me want to slash their tires, rob their house, and leave them penniless and friendless on the side of the road. I think that musicians especially have a hard enough time getting noticed and being liked, but country music is even harder to be recognized in. Taylor Swift caught a big break after working for 12 years to even get a start. Her family put everything aside just for her to get a start, not even to get popular. When she received the award for best video, she deserved it, and earned it. Kanye had no business telling her that someone else did it better.

Opinions are like Backsides...everybody has them, but respectable people don't share them with the world.

Egg-Ward Spatula Hands

I made what I would consider to be quite possibly the best omelette that I have ever eaten. I was puttering around in the morning on Facebook and was getting really bored with what the site had to offer. So I thought of the small amount of food that was in our refrigerator and remembered that we had a fresh parmesan cheese brick as well as half a dozen eggs. I also thought about the fresh garden herbs that were growing in a pot on my porch and realized that I should probably put them to good use before a frost came to take them. Parsley Parmesan omlettes were officially on the docket for breakfast and I was going off the cuff to make them with no idea on how they would taste. I had never had that type of Parmesan before and parsley, although versatile can be volatile if used it took large a dose.

I took my time and made Nick's first. Although he was still asleep, I knew it was only a matter of time before he would wake up and grumble that I had not made him something, but my stomach was grumbling so his was a quick fix. I think his might have come out better than mine, but mine was made with a more sincere love as I knew what I was doing the second time around. I did not rush as I allowed the eggs to warm slightly before cracking them, and as I snipped the parsley into a small container. I had used a little more parmesan the first time around so I grated the brick a little bit more, savoring the smell of it as it fell into the small tupperware container as well as the counter. I cracked my eggs, salted and peppered them and wisked them in a measuring cup then I threw them into the pan to let them sizzle just long enough to sprinkle the remaining parsley and parmesan onto them.

I flipped them and waited as they steamed (my secret to making them fluffier) It was the longest three minutes of my life, but the toast I was making was able to crisp just enough, and get buttered. By that time saliva was hitting the floor and Nick was half finished with his, so I slipped it onto a plate and ran it into the living room to eat with Nick as I enjoyed my coffee. My computer sat in front of me, with pictures of facebook glaring at me, but I ignored them as well as whatever Nick had put on the television and was lost in the dream of my omlette.

Quite possibly too perfect for words, and now officially a staple in my life. I think weekends were made for sleeping in as well as enjoying moments like this that I have with food.

Your House is a Massive Litter Box...

...So Pardon me if I do not want to eat there!

Tonight we are having dinner at a friends apartment. However it is one of those apartments that you would expect a crazy cat lady with ten kids, and no time to clean to live in.

It simply smells like a litter box, and burns my nose to be there for more than thirty seconds. The biggest problem is that when I am there my nose does burn the entire time, and my allergies spike so I am completely uncomfortable and can't think of anything but when we will be leaving. I definitely don't know how to get through spending what could quite possibly be hours at a place that makes me extremely uncomfortable. I guess you can't really understand unless you have a comparison to what I am talking about, but the only thing that it reminds me of is the cat room of a pet shelter, only she has two cats instead of 12-15 and she cleans up after them, but they smell rancid regardless.

I am hoping that tonight I don't spend my entire night holding my nose and wishing I weren't there, but I am glad I get to spend it with friends and I don't have to cook!! I think that is the perk of all of my weekends. Lately I have been crashing for the day at my parent's house and eating dinner there, but we get to stop free-loading off of them for once and have a homecooked meal elsewhere. Now let's hope the food tastes as good as it sounds! Looking forward to a good Chicken Parmesan. Haven't had one in over a year! It's sacrilegious, living with an Italian, and not eating Italian food!

Dress to the Nines

So my cousin, who also is my Maid of honor, is coming to visit me this weekend. I am really excited because I have not seen her since my birthday, which actually is not long, but we hardly see each other and it is time that we do. She has been having some issues with this being her last year of college and she is stressed and not sure of what life will do for her when she leaves, so she needs some times away from all the stress, and to feel like life is not crashing on her.

We have decided that we will go dress shopping for the wedding. I am going to call up David's Bridal in Syracuse, and take a trip out with her, my mother and my brother's fiance and try on dresses all day long. I think that it will get everyone's mind off of stress and put it into something a little less stressful, after all it is not like we are signing on the dotted line to buy them, we are simply looking and having fun while doing so. I am not really sure what the weekend will bring, but I am hoping that it will at least tell us whether or not we will have decided on a color or not. I am second guessing red now, and really need to see what the girls look like in it before we make a decision. I am also hoping that my sister is able to make it, because it would be really nice to have her around as well.

Here's hoping that the week flies by fast and the weekend is more fun that my icky summer cold that is making me miserable.

Couches

I have been waiting all day for these couches,
But they still are not here.
I am beginning to go nuts
And that is what I fear.

Nick will come home tonight,
And find me curled up in a ball,
Fighting for my poor sanity,
Up against a bare wall.

He'll come in the door and he'll ask me,
'You waited all day for a couch?!?'
I looked at him pissed and then kick him,
Barefeet in pain I'll say "ouch!'

Hopefully this is not karma,
Because I'm impatient and mad,
If so then I guess I'll just sit here,
And wait for the couches for my pad!

--It is very rough, but I am very bored and my butt hurts from sitting on the floor all day. I moved everything out of this room and I was hoping they would be here early. Now the threat of rain is plaguing my day, and I am afraid to even run to the bathroom for a minute in case that is the minute they show up. The scenarios in my head as to why they are taking so long are as follows.

1-The moving dudes took the day off and the couch people decided not to call us because they have our money and don't want us to take it back and go elsewhere.

2-There is a traffic jam on 8 south caused by a herd of cows trying to get out of the impending doom of rain and they are stuck in it, possibly even pushing cows out of the way.

3-They are lost, which is 100% possible if you know where I live and also note that I accidentally said the house was 'blue and white' when it is really white and blue.

4-Their GPS took them to West Exeter instead of West Winfield which is two towns away and now they are wandering down their street which is the same name as mine instead of mine.

5-It was all a LOST dream sequence and nothing that I imagined was real. In fact I am not sitting on the bare floor, I am really in an insane asylum or on the floor of the jungle. Who Knows?!?

Also in response to PMs comment asking if I think a couch can fit in her living room, I think a nice Loveseat would be comfy in there and it would fit well. One of those really nice Futons might work too. I would get something with foldable arms because they give the option of extra seating, and I really like the look.

Above is the actual style of our sofa, and the color is that grey/green I showed before.

Joys of New York

If there is one thing I miss more than anything about living in NY it is the milk. I don't know why, but milk always seems fresher and delicious here. I grew up as a kid in Utica, NY and my mother would shove all three of us kids into the stroller(or drag us by the hand when we got older) to the nearest Byrne Dairy (about 4 blocks from our old house) so that we could pick up a half gallon of chocolate milk, a half gallon of 2% milk, and ice cream bars all around (they were always on the house because the people there loved us) It was something that we looked forward to all of the time, and I remember it was because when we didn't go on the outings dad would bring home a plastic jug of milk, but when we went with our mother we were able to get the milk in glass bottles. I had always thought that this was the coolest thing. Milk to me had always come in plastic of cardboard containers and the glass was something that I thought reminded me of the good old days when people used to get milk delivered. We never did of course and I wasn't even alive during that time. I thought it was the coolest thing to relive and old way of life, and was sad when we moved to West Winfield and getting Byrne Dairy milk became even more of a luxury.

The stories of milk's past though were not lost, and my mother told me about a cut that was in our outside wall and how that was where an access panel for the milkman had been covered up once milk deliveries had stopped being door to door. My mother told me stories of how people used to get their milk delivered in those access panels and would leave the milkman money in the panel and he would open a small door from the outside and place the milk in it. Somehow the milk stayed cold until someone came to get it, possibly an hour or so after he dropped it off, and the people of the house would enjoy the milk. There were times I really wished I had lived back then because I think it would be neat to grow up as a kid and watch the milkman drop off the milk in the panel, and possibly even play a few jokes on him, as kids like to do. But I was never that lucky, and had to simply settle for the plastic bottles that generic stores would dish out. It simply was not feasible for us to use a half gallon a week anymore anyway. I think at one point we were going through 3 gallons a week thanks to my brother and his love for milk.

Now that we have moved back, Nick works in Utica, so I make sure that he stops in New Hartford and gets a half gallon of the good stuff. Stuff that brings me back to my childhood and beyond. Plus it has the added benefit of keeping my bones strong, and it seems to taste better out of the glass bottle.

Above are the bottles we get now. (we still get 2% looking at going to 1% because it tastes so rich compared to other milk) and also what the compartments of the old days look like. A door on the inside for access of the housekeepers, and placement of the money and old bottles to be taken away, and this one doesn't show it well, but there is supposed to be a door on the outside as well for the milkman to deliver, and close the door so nobody stole the milk. Both of the doors could be locked from inside the house to keep creepies from entering the home lol.

Couch Potato

So above you will see that I have pictured here a couch. A couch that looks a lot like (or is) the one that we bought this past Saturday morning. We went to Joe Tehans and saw a few that we liked and finally settled on this one (or one like it) I like it because it is comfortable and also because I am sick of sitting in a miniature popasan chair. I am ready to have real furniture. Nick likes it because when he laid down on it he fell like it would be really comfortable to watch movies on. I wish it had reclining seats, however I sacrificed in order to get the heck out of the store (which we had been in for about an hour) and appease Nick who basically hated everything that I thought was comfortable. I think he really just wanted something to replace our existing furniture, so it is probably a good thing that we decided on this set. There was also an arm chair with Ottoman, but after sitting it it, we were both really disappointed. We instead decided that we would get the couch and two... yes I said TWO loveseats. We figure that if they drop it off and there is no room, oh well they can bring one back and refund us the money. Either that, or we can stop by the store again and pick up the coffee table and end tables that we both really liked. Either way, we are one step closer to being able to entertain. The way I see it, we are close enough and done in my head, but he seems to think we still need more chairs for the kitchen. I don't cause the two we have in there already make it really hard to get around the table, but I guess we will see what he ends up splurging on next. The best part is that this place is finally beginning to feel like home. Personally the only thing that would make it 100% home sweet home is if Nick would finally tackle his office. It's getting a little cramped in there and I have no idea what his plans are, and that scares me.

Photo Chop!

So interesting story... I was being a weirdo with my camera and taking pictures of my mother as she chopped away at vegetables last night and I was getting really into it and even sort of freaking her out. Suffice to say she decided she wanted to review them to see if she looked good (which with my skills you never look bad) and she was deleting the ones she didn't like. She ended up deleting them all by mistake and that sort of made me upset, and that is when I realized I was getting upset over nothing and I tend to do that a lot. I think my stress level is unusually high for a normal person and possibly because there is a looming cancer screening in my near future, or possibly because I am a control freak with no control. I realized it is probably the first one that caused the second one, and here is why.

In Spring 2004 I started my college life at SUNYIT. That was all fine and dandy for me because I didn't really have anywhere to go in my head. I was engaged to be married to C. H. who lived in White Plains, NY up till he got into a serious car accident which paralyzed him from the waist down and moved to Mesa, AZ after which he proposed and I said yes which led me to believe I didn't really have a choice in whether or not I moved to AZ and I needed to have an excuse to stay in NY and college was my excuse. (yes I was in fact an idiot) So anyway, I had hardly ever gotten sick before and I started to get all sorts of sick. I had a small run-in with pennicillin via the form of rotten oranges in the common area left conveniently by one of my roomates. I am coincidentally allergic to pennicillin which was all sorts of fun for the ER when I came wheeled in by one of my friends who claimed I was talking and passed out, then woke up breathing funny. I of course remembered none of this. I was treated and my friend was ordered to remove the toxins from the suite and so was Res. Life who told me I could charge my roomates who I did not know and did not wish to piss off. I did not charge them, because I was alive and thankful. Anyway I was requested to see the doctor at the college once in a while where they then said "Hey, while your here lets get your feminine tests out of the way." I was eager to get out and just got it over with because I hate doctors offices.

Well my tests were abnormal and I had to go through all sorts of freak tests with St. Elizabeth medical center in West Winfield and New Hartford. It was in New Hartford that I was told that I had precancerous cells on my cervix. They also revealed to me that they were caused by the HPV virus, and by the look of the growth I had had them for a few years. (apparently pre-cancer cells grow much like trees, I think they counted the rings) So I got my first treatment which was a liquid metal treatment that burned the cells off the cervix and then froze the cervical cells they were attatched to. The warning that came with the treatment was "You might feel discomfort for a few days and you may urinate dark" Well I urinated Black, and I could hardly move without feeling like my uterus was going to pull out my intestines. It burned like there was a devil setting me on fire on the inside. I was tested 6 months later to find out that I still have the virus and always will, but the pre-cancer was gone... for now.

Now I am doing what every person that I have ever known with a disease does. I deflect the issue and take control over every other thing in my life, and make excuses for why I don't want to go to the doctor. I don't want to lose control. I don't want to hear bad news. In my head I think I am ok. I don't want to be told I can't have kids. I don't want to be told I have cancer. I definitely don't want to be told that it's not under control. I know it is dumb and a little out there, but ignorance is bliss, and knowing that I have a test in a few months really scares me. I don't want to know. I would love to know that everything was ok, but I don't want to know if it is not. I don't care if you tell everyone else that I am sick, just don't tell me. I feel like if I feel fine then I am fine, and why soil my bliss with bad news? I can't control this feeling, so I think I take it out on Nick a bit. I know he is not a slob, I would just like to have some control over his actions too. Afterall he is the one who cares so much as to make me promise to set up the appointment... and keep it.

Nothing New to Report

So there really isn't for once.
I am sort of hearing crickets in my life and I kind of like it that way. I have been getting a lot of things done which is great, and also and finding that there is a lot that I have already done and can put behind me.

However I think I found me biggest pet peeve. Disorder. I know everyone hates it, but do you hate it as much as I do. I have such a desire for control when it comes to order and I really have no idea where this idea comes from. The smallest things like a box not being labeled with it's contents, or the date not being put on a bag of meat that you are storing in the freezer really get to me. Things that really are not crucial. However, I can go a couple weeks without vacuuming my floor and be completely fine with it. (I do have to vacuum by the way so it is an element of truth as well as comparison) I also like things to be put back in their places when people are done, and I find that I get a little twitchy when things don't go back in their place. I think I was raised by a crazy person at times because I honestly don't remember a time when I didn't put things back when I was done with them.

I think elements like that in my life are things that I could sit back and let go, but for now I am grumbling over each of the unmarked boxes that I have to go through in order to unpack and organize Nick's stuff. I am particularly not fond of ones that are marked simply with "stuff" LOL I think everything of his is "stuff" more clarification would have been nice.

I don't have any pictures to share, which is sad, but all of my pictures are in the process of being moved so that I can put Windows 7 on my laptop. I am hoping for the best here and I really hope things go well and quick with it so I can continue my awesome lifestyle of working hard all morning and being a computer addict most of the afternoon.
Hope things are well with you, Happy Wednesday!

Glimmers on Glass

So I went to Glimmerglass State Park on Friday with my family. I was over at my parent's house for my mother's birthday and they were all talking about how they had the following day off and how they were so happy that they could all sleep in. I chimed in with 'Let's go to the beach' and it was all downhill from there. Everyone thought that it was a great idea until they were getting ready for bed, when they all said. "Oh my goodness, now I have to get up early to get ready!" Thankfully, I didn't want to get up at the crack of dawn to go, I wanted it to be a liesurely day, so we didn't rush around all morning.

We went out to the beach, and I have to say that it was very relaxing. I sat in the shade for the first hour or so, then took a dip in the water with my mother, and laid on the beach and tanned. Yes, this time I really tanned because I had a base tan to work with. After we took another dip and dried off, it was fairly late in the day, we had already eaten and I had the great idea of going on a hike. We were in a State park afterall and I know almost all of them have trails. This one did in fact have a trail and it went straight up hill for about half a mile before it finally let us back down. We diverged off of the path they had gone before and into new territory, and at times we honestly thought that my dad was trying to get us lost. It felt like we were in the forrest for hours, but we had no choice really but to trust him. Even though we were in flip flops, we trucked along at a good pace and made it back to the beach in about an hour or so. I took some nice pictures along the way and I think it sort of sums up the relaxing day we had.

Mysterious Mushrooms, Stump... with a chipmunk that was not the focal point till after we took the picture, Some plant that I like because it is spiky, the view of the lake, the view of a field next to our picnic area.

Whirlwind Weekend

Sometimes there are events that I am priviledged to be a part of. This weekend was one of those events. We went to Valley Forge, PA and we attended the wedding of one of Nick's old co-workers, Sandip. He is Indian, and his wife is American, and they had decided that they wanted to do a dual heritage wedding. They had the Quaker ceremony early in the week, and we were able to attend the Indian Ceremony on Saturday. I don't really know how to explain it other than it was probably the single best wedding that I have ever attended. The Indian people really know how to party. I think weddings are a time of intense celebration and this was no different than that.

We got to PA at about 12 noon on Saturday, knowing that we wanted the comfortable for the ride in and therefore would need to change our clothes once we got to the hotel where the wedding would be held and where we would also be staying thankfully. We changed and were ready for the events which started at 2pm. The whole process started with the groom riding in to greet the guests and the family of the bride. He rode in on a very decorated white horse, and was surrounded by family and friends who danced in celebration of the wedding to come. We then moved inside and the ceremony began. It was entirely in Sanscrit so I had no idea what the man was saying, but he tried to explain to us what he was doing to keep us involved. The whole time people were getting up, moving around, and eating. It was like the ceremony was really for the bride and groom and people were allowed to do whatever they wanted. We found out at this point that there would be a lot of Indian food, and possibly not too much American food. My favorite part of the ceremony was the way that the altar and aisle were decorated, and how they incorporated music into everything. Everything was upbeat, happy and gorgeous.

The Ceremony ended at about 4pm and we had some time to kill since the festivities of the night did not start till 6pm. Cocktail hour started at 6pm and we got ready to drink, eat and be merry. There was a ton of Indian food, which was all very spicy and very good. There was a small corner of cheese and veggies which I think a lot of the guests who were hesitant on eating Indian food indulged in, however I found that a lot of people were willing to take the risk of spice and try something new. Cocktail hour ended at about 7pm and it was time to move into the main banquet hall for the meal. They introduced the bride and grooms families as well as the bride and groom, but did not start the meal till everyone was dancing and burning off the incoming calories. It was fun to watch and even more fun to join in.

The meal was great as well and I think I would love to attempt making something, but would refrain simply because I don't know if I could get anything right. After dinner, it was as if we were back at a normal wedding. There was after dinner dancing and fun. Nick was really glad to see some of his old co-workers, and I was happy to meet them as well. It was really nice to enjoy something so different and have it be such a great experience. I think this sort of opened my eyes to an entirely new culture. It also may have given me some new ideas on what I want to do for my wedding. Their decor was a little out there, but I know some of it could be used to make something interesting and different for mine. Here are some pictures that I took that give you a taste of what we experienced.

Below, in order: Sandip (the groom) waving to the crowd as he rode in on the white horse. Sandip on the horse that was fully decorated. The altar. One of the many elephants and half arches that surrounded the aisle that led to the altar. Nick and some of his old co-workers from SIG in Bala Cynwood, PA.

This is a Story About a Girl

She is from Irish roots and back in 2005 she met the man of her dreams. He was perfect in every way, looked Irish, acted Irish, and even drank like an Irishman. You would have thought it was an Irish match made in heaven. But it was not. He was 100% Italian. From an Italian family who spoke loud, cooked amazing and drank to fill up the time. But they were in fact a match made in heaven. They got married on October 13, 2005 and in December of that same year, he passed away. He was only in his 20's so this was a shock to all who were there to experience it.

The years however passed and his memory was not forgotten, but the hole he left in her heart remained. That was until she met someone. He was perfect for her, and she found him on match.com. She was hesitant because originally she was not looking for Mr. Right because she felt she had already found and lost him. However he was Mr. Right and he soon proposed marriage. They got married this past February, had a son in June (on my birthday I might add!) and we were all invited to join them in a celebration of their love this weekend at their wedding reception and wedding service for family and friends.

It had to be one of the most fun weddings I have ever been to. I had been to her last wedding, but it seems that it paled in comparison to this one. You could see the light in her face as she took her vows, and the smile in his eyes as he took his. You could tell that this time around it was a little bit truer. Not that the last one was not true love, but there was something special about this one. Like this time around she was willing to make it last forever, but she was willing to simply living in the moment.

I took a few photos, but I didn't bring my camera because she had hired photographers and I didn't want it to be a big deal that I brought mine. In hindsight I should have brought it anyway. But here are a few pictures of the fun that was had, and the love that they share. Oh how sappy!!

They are: The couple getting greeted by guests while holding their baby, the couple entering the reception after dinner, the bridesmaids dancing, and the whole bridal party dancing. (my sister is the one to the immediate left of the bride in the last two pictures)

Change, Change, Change!

It's good.
It's bad.
It's Ugly.
And it's real.

I exchanged all of my change in the bank the other day and received $67.00 in cash. I was proud to finally have the burden of the two massive canisters out of my mind. It was one of the many things weighing on my mind as the Windstream internet installer knocked on the door of my new apartment. I needed to get rid of change! I need to get rid of a lot more than just change though, and that is what is making life a little miserable for me. I realize that I have too much "stuff" and that some of it will have to be donated, thrown out, or stored in order to make room for my fiance's stuff. Thankfully I have not yet moved all of my "stuff" out of my parents house, so I can take my time sorting through it an making the changes I need to my ownerships.

In other news on the moving/change front. The move went well, and by well I mean that I moved in in mid July, only to move back to MD for a week. One of Nick's family members commit suicide and we went to services in Philadelphia. (We also heard today that another member of Nick's extended family accidentally shot himself recently, so there is a lot of that hanging on my mind.) Thankfully, things started to turn upwards as the weeks past and I was able to move back for good this time to NY. However internet was a luxury that I simply did not have unless I walked to the local library, and I found myself too busy most days to enjoy that luxury. I did get to send some notification out that I existed, but sadly not to the blogs.

Now though, I have my internet back, and am working furiously on my resume, or at least attempting it. I am finding myself without ambition and not wanting to have a job. I don't really want to DO anything. I want to take pictures. That's all I have been doing in my "free time" and I find it relaxing. I puttered today and realized that if I could do what I really wanted, I would go back to school for photography and business and I would start up a business in photography. I would kick ass in it, learn all the techniques I need to master, and boot all of the mediocre photographers out of CNY. Until the day that that happens I will probably be stuck wishing I had never taken a single psychology course in my life and regretting the time I spent in the classroom on what I deem a worthless degree.

So for your viewing pleasure and as a welcome back gift to all of you here are some of my putterings: Keller, a bee on a globe thistle, my favorite Dahlia, My engagement ring, and the rain that plagues NY.

Sweet Emotion

Oh! To be a teenager in this day and age is the worst thing possible to ever happen! I could not imagine being stuck in a prepubescent body waiting for life's changing grip to take hold in ruin all that I considered sacred. For one menarche sucks for girls and it sucks more when you have questions about it that you aren't comfortable asking your parents about. Tomorrow she will drive 45 minutes to the new doctor's office, walking into the waiting room holding her father's hand, and come out scarred for life and resenting her father for putting her mother through the torment of having her. This is what will happen, unless one of her parents decide that she is old enough to hear 'the sex talk.' This is what will happen because sexual education is no longer allowed to be taught in schools, and she has questions. Questions that make me want to blush and run into a corner to hide for the next month.

It's a learning experience for her, and she probably doesn't want to be a part of it. I know I never did. I was the person who knew that "that stuff" was private, secret and even taboo to speak of. I never asked questions, pretended to know the answers and then pleaded ignorance at the best moments to keep myself out of harm and knowledge's way. I was doing a great job too in fact until my mother bought me a book. A book I will never forget that told me everything in great detail, made me blush, made me cry, made me scream on the inside, and it forced me to learn! This is the same book that has been sitting on her floor since she had her first period and will forever sit on her floor as she only moves it to shove it further out of her mind. " Are You There God? It's Me Margaret by Judy Bloom. It glares at her out of the corner of it metaphorical eye, and gleams in her direction. It's tempting for sure, but an awakening at the same time. She told me once that "it was a good book, nice story line" and I knew at once she had simply read the back cover and tossed it out of her mind in fear. "Coming of Age," three words she never wanted to hear, and will forever shiver in response to. Well until tonight. I have took the liberty of invading her space, and placing the book tactfully on her bed. Cover open. To a page that I think might give her insight to her plight.

These pages make me blush and squeam as I have finally realized that she is a teenager and will be almost fully "developed" in a year. If only I could keep her a negative for life and never let people see her true beauty. There are beasts out there who will take advantage of the flower she is becoming, and sting her. I vow to protect her. We both do, and fight as we must to let her keep her sanity and purity, her father is no longer invited to her tea party tomorrow. He will have to get his information on her from someone else, as her party is invite only, and he is persona non grata.

Light up my Life

So I don't know if death surrounding me has done this, or if I am just a sap of sorts and need therapy, but I am being really nice. I have cooked breakfast all week long for the entire family, (waffles on Wednesday, banana pancakes on Thursday, and French toast Friday) done some chores (dusting, dishes and even taking out the trash), and even offered to help take the dog to the vet (not an easy feat since as soon as we got inside he panicked and relieved himself on the floor). I have found myself unusually helpful, and even a little bit nice. Of course I am assuming that this will all come with a price, as the migraine is already settling into my cozy little head for a summer vacation. But we leave on Wednesday, so hopefully I snap at one of my four empty walls in the new place.

On a brighter note, when we do move into the new place, I am pulling out two large glass containers and finding me some fish to fill them. I am now in the market for small fish that need no heater or filter. I could steal a filter from my mother, but it would just be easier to find a self sustaining fish. Right now the only thing ringing in my mind is a beta because they are pretty resilient, but not sure I want that road again. Anywho, I figure I should tell you I might be MIA for a while, but I should be back in full force around the middle of August. Until then there might be spurts of information from my travels, or tiny tidbits of the moving process.

Swamped in Sadness

So the past week has been a roller coaster of emotion for me. First I moved into my new place... YAY!!! I was so excited to be in it that I didn't realize that I had a lot of cleaning to do. I spent all of Last Monday and Tuesday scrubbing down my kitchen, bathroom and bedroom in order to get ready for more stuff to be moved in. I also got all of the kitchen stocked with our stuff and am really happy to have it all out of the way. However I had to run up to see my sister in Newburgh, NY for the rest of the week, and spent a lot of time in the sun getting burned, and then later spent time avoiding the sun in order to stay cool. I also received bad news from Nick. His cousin passed away and we would have to go to New Jersey or Philly come the weekend.

Plans went into work for Nick and I to get on a train at noon on Saturday and not get off till about 11pm. It was a long day, but kind of worth it when it came to understanding how much we spend on gas on the way down. The viewing was this past Sunday, and a family I was not so close to, I got a lot closer to. I know that sorrow tends to heal wounds and strengthen bonds, but knowing the anguish that the girls' pregnant sister was in only pushed me to want to help her even if only to help her tend to the baby. (When it came down to it, she wanted her sister back so much that she didn't care what happened to the baby) The funeral was this morning, and we came home after that, knowing that we had helped a lot. Of course there was more for me to do since I am not home as in NY home, I am back in MD till Nick's last day of work next Wednesday. For now I am the one talking to the kids and telling them that life is ok, and Nick's father is sleeping. He has been sleeping since 4pm and basically deserted them after he got home, so I took over knowing that they need it.

I feel like there is a blanket of sadness over our heads, and I don't like being under the covers. I am also so drained and can't quite think which leads me to not be a big help when it comes to making things better for people. There are times I wish that I could be in two places at once. I think I would help people in one place and sleep in the other to keep up my energy!

One and Only

So I did that thing that you see in 80's movies when the girl gets asked out by the popular guy to the big dance. I flopped on the bed, screamed the loudest scream and kicked my feet like a giddy school girl. Why you ask? Because I packed up EVERYTHING and now I can sit back and relax. I mean that is what I am telling myself as I scan every room in the house to make sure that I am not forgetting something.

I can not wait till I get the heck out of here and back to NY. Not that staying here was horrible, but it was not easy. I don't like people who knock on my door at 6am to ask me if I have the portable phone. I never do because nobody ever calls me on the house phone and I never call out. Even if I did have it, if they paged it, they would know and that rude awakening would be warranted. The worst part about it was that when the kids were in Florida with their dad, he would call at 1am and since there is a phone hooked up in our room, the phone would ring and wake me up. At one point I unplugged the phone and went back to sleep, only to get yelled at because apparently the answering machine is also in my room. Ooops. Anyway I can say that my stay here was long enough and I am ready to be out.

Nick says I am just excited to be home, and that is quite true, but I think honestly, I knew that this moved was coming for a really long time. I still am not supposed to talk about it, but I have know for over 4 months! I have stayed quiet for a long time about it, and since his co-workers don't check my blog, odds are that he won't be fired before he gives notice after his year mark, which is Tuesday. The best part out of all of it is that I finally have five CNY things back in my life that I really love.

1- Midyork Public Library System- You honestly don't know what you are missing until it is gone. I miss REAL libraries more than anything. I haven't read a book in over a year (unless you count the Twilight Series) and I am due for a good read!

2- O'Scuggnizzo's (pronounced O-Skin-Eats) - which is the place I know that has the BEST foccacia sandwiches I have ever tasted.

3- Packy's Pub and Cavallo's Wing Nights- There are places down here that have wing nights, but sadly the wings are sub par, and people put breading on them. WHAT THE HECK IS THAT ABOUT? Pat maybe you can explain the obsession with Jersey people liking breaded wings.

4- Saranac- The Saranac Nights in Utica at the Brewery, as well as the Seasonal mix cases. They are something that I have missed for a while, and I think that when I get home I am cracking open a nice Pommegranate wheat in honor of my move! Though I will be moving in the middle of the night tonight, so maybe I will have to wait till tomorrow afternoon.

5- Last and probably not least. My friends and family. Almost ALL of them are there. Nick's are kind of scattered over four states, but mine are all in NY. It's nice to be close to them, and I can't help it if I am a sucker for CNY.

I <3 CNY!

Stretching

Whether it be your legs, or your arms, or even your vocabulary, stretching can be a great thing. However when it comes to the truth, the only form of truth that is good is the 100% dead honest form. Some people don't really get the idea, and they stretch it. In regards to their so-so and possibly boring relationship, they tell people "Oh things have never been better" which is quite possible in that circumstance, however if that is the case, someone needs a change. Anyway, I am not feeling well, so when I am not feeling well, mentally or physically, I tend to stretch the truth and always feel really bad about it.

This morning for example I did not get to sleep till almost 5am, and did not wake up till nearly 1pm. I don't know why, but I was emotional and kind of sick to my stomach at the thought that I would have to go shopping with Nick's mom all day feeling the way that I did. So I stretched the truth when she asked me if I needed to eat before we left and basically blurted that I felt like crap and couldn't go. Now it's not really true in the sense that she thought. She thought I was sick and would need to be staying in bed all day. It's not really the case, I felt like crap about not going with her, but I really can't go and feel like a normal person. It is just easier to not have to deal with her not being able to make up her mind, and find a way to pack my stuff up here instead. I could have told her that, but why break her heart.

I guess it is just the simple fact that I lack sleep lately, am stressed about moving into a place in NY, and excited at the same time. It makes it really hard for me to get anything done, and when I do get things done I feel like I have to redo them simply because I didn't do them to the best of my ability. I can't wait to be in NY where I can occupy myself completely. Sometimes I think that I am going crazy with all the free time I have.

Gummy Bears and Jelly Beans

I like Gummy Bears. But moreso, I like my Bear collection. By bear collection I mean Teddy Bear collection with very few accents of other types of bears.

Yes, I have a teddy bear collection. Does that make me odd? Probably, but I love them, and always have. I have over 100 now, and my favorite so far is a Vermont Teddy Bear Company Panda that Nick gave me for my birthday two years ago, and I named Pasqual. But the collection has been going on for years. I not only collect Teddy bears, but I also collect a series called Cherished Teddies which I think are now discontinued. I find that by sticking to a staple trend like the teddy bear I am more apt to get something normal than when my sister started to like frogs. There are a lot of weird frog trinkets out there and I think she had had enough after a year or two. Speaking of which, this year my poor sister might have to deal with a rather obnoxious birdbath that has frogs sunbathing and swimming. It's not completely gaudy but I think she will find a nice place to hide it if we get it for her.

I think that is my favorite part about collections. There are tons of different things that people collect and a billion different ways to ruin that collection for them. Not that I do it on purpose, but sometimes you can't resist getting something (like flamingos that you dress up year round that we gave my aunt who likes flamingos) if someone collects them. My grandmother does it, and now I think I do too. Here is to spicing up your collections! Also, here is a picture of Pasqual, my panda bear and the awesome lamp I may sometime get to spice up my collection!

Anywhere I Go I Know Where I Came From

Born and bred in Central New York. Home of roughly 60,000 people, and the place where the average snowfall per year is roughly 95 inches. It rests nestled next to the Mohawk River, in New York State and even has it's own stop on the Amtrak system at Union Station. Some of the perks of living there include accessibility to a local brewery Saranac and it's daily events as well as serving as a home for a branch of Lockheed Martin. I like to call it my small wonder, and others call it their second chance city. A place where many immigrants come to have their chance and piece at an amazing slice of life, and possibly a great piece of pizza.

Some cynics of the area call it the bottomless pit and black hole of central New york. A place where you get sucked in and can never get out of. They feel that it is a place that slowly sucks the life out of you until there is nothing left and you are stuck wallowing in the depths of self pity hoping that there will be something to pull you out of it before you die. Then somehow you crawl out of the depths and make some sort of measly existence for yourself and swear that one day you will "get out of central new york!"

I don't understand these people. It's a pathetic little place on the surface, and I get that, but it's relatively safe when you think about it, and the people for the most part are really nice. Then there are the events that the community put on and plenty of things to keep you busy. I really love the place and find that I can figure out something that I like that is going on every weekend there easier than I could find things going on in New Jersey, or Maryland. Philadelphia was a different story, but I think going back to Utica is slowly opening my eyes. I like small corners of the world. Slightly dirty and in need of improvement, but unique just the same. I can't wait to live in a place full of suck character!

(above picture is of Union Station in Utica, NY taken by a good friend of my family, Gayle Coveny.)

It's A Small World

So I am STRESSING about the move.

I know I know, calm down, take a deep breath, in, out, close your eyes, count to ten. I get it. But I am still jittery as hell as I sit here and think about how I had all of the details of my wedding down to a 'T' or at least most of them, and now I am back to square one!

Well not really. I am back to square 2 because I think I may have found an event planner who I knew previously, but didn't even know that they had their own business! One of the women that I worked with while I attended college owns an outside business on the side where she does the same job that she did at the college. How easy would it be to hire her to help me out? I am so excited and ran it by Nick, and I think that he is stoked as well. I am just glad that we finally found someone that I know we can both trust, and possibly a lot of information about an area that we aren't really experts on. I mean seriously I will only be getting married once, and have never been married before so how would I know where the deals are and who to work with? At least I know that there is a light at the end of the really eerie tunnel that I could possibly work with!

I am excited to get started and I know that it is probably a little bit early to start throwing things in the air about how perfect things are going, but really this move seems to be doing wonders for me. I get to be near my family, I get to get out of living with "the outlaws" and I get to plan a wedding that I always dreamed of in the church I grew up in. What's better than that!?! I think the best perk of the entire situation is that I found out that if I hire her as a wedding planner I can use her for both the wedding and the bridal shower. Not that I want to know that I am having a bridal shower, but it would be nice for my cousin who lives 300 miles away from my home to be able to plan something with her and not let me know about it. I know that they would work really well together and that my cousin would not get stressed, and the last thing that my cousin needs is stress with all she is going through.

Things are looking up, and it is a small world after all! Oh yeah and I found a really cute wedding dress that I asked a woman at a boutique in my town to let me try on. She seemed really eager because the price has been slashed and she is looking to move it quick. I like it in the Deep Red Color that you see in the train, not so sure though how it will look in the big picture.