A Very New Beginning

So I come to my blog today with a very happy heart and mind. I feel so amazing, and free. Like always there is a story behind it, and I will tell the tale:

It all began yesterday morning, when I woke up and got ready for my day. Nick had just left, and I took my shower. In the process of doing so, I know that I pissed off Nick's uncle. He seems to think that I don't deserve to take a shower when I do, and that I am wasting his time. When I was in the shower, he disabled the internet, and locked the room in which the internet was located. I didn't really mind, but I felt it was petty since I use it to communicate with his wife during the day, and doing that would make it nearly impossible for me to do anything.

11:30 rolls around, and I am bored out of my mind. I had just cleaned out one of the kids dressers, and had nothing to do since he was home and watching the kids. I went out to get the mail, as I knew that Nick had some things coming, and I started to bring it all into the house. As I was walking up the stairs to bring the mail into the house, he started to grab it out of my hands. I asked him "What the hell is your problem" as I kept Nick's mail firmly in my hands and let him have the rest. He flipped at the audacity of me asking and told me to get out of his house. I said "Are you serious!?! I just paid all of your bills!!" and he said "Yeah after you free-loaded for months" and I said "Your kidding right!?!? I watched your kids for 7 months straight and was paid NOTHING!!" He said "Pack your shit, and get out of my house!" I said "Whatever!" He said "Don't pack anything that's not yours!" This is where I flipped, saying "Are you serious!?! What the hell of yours would I want to steal!?!" He said, "My medicine, measuring cups and my paper plates, they are all missing tell me where they are!" I said "Your godamn paper plates are in the white cabinet in the locked room, as for your other shit I wouldn't take your fucking meds, you probably forgot you were selling them! I don't need to take your shit I can afford my own!" He told me I had till last night to pack my shit and go. He then texted Nick and told him to come home and pack his shit. Nick never got the message till we had already left because he had left his phone at home to charge.

We did pack all of our stuff, and left a significant mess for him to clean up. Things we no longer needed, like to-go containers we had been keeping but now didn't have room for, and dressers that we simply did not want to take, were left in their basement for him to deal with. I also forgot a significant ammount of alcohol and food that we could have easily taken, but I didn't want to be spiteful and leave them with no food. He said to take only what was ours, but that would seriously leave them with nearly nothing in their fridges and freezers.

By 6pm we were out of the house. Nick's father had come to help and it only took two full Explorers to get everything packed in. I even took my lilies which I had told him I would plant in front of his house. At this point I was leaving him with nothing. Nick's aunt kept appologizing all day, and I realized that she had no clue what was really happening.

In almost all cases of spousal abuse, either verbal or physical, the woman who is the target of the abuse is alienated from everyone whom she has ties with in her life. Getting rid of me and Nick is the first step. You can have no witnesses to the abuse, otherwise it's your word against hers. He started to try and pit her against me, because of our past issues, but thankfully she is having none of that. She is a strong woman, and I hope for her sake she gets her and the kids out of there safe, before something really bad happens.

On a lighter note, I am now living in Maryland for a month. When we go back up to NY for my birthday at the end of June, I am bringing all my stuff with me, and staying at my parents house until Nick decides to come join me. Which he has decided to come join me, and stay in NY. He sent back his Contract for SUNYIT and we are happy to announce that he will be working at the college come August 3rd. I feel a sense of relief and accomplishment at everything that has happened. I stood up for myself, had a backbone and got us out of that house in a matter of 6 hours. Just goes to show you that you can push me so far before I have enough and give it all back ten fold. He thinks he did a number on us by kicking us out, but now I don't hae the stress of taking care of kids all day, and I can do what I wish with my free time. I am subliminally happy again! How have you been? Get into any altercations with the garbage can stealer?

Please Wait While the Page is Loading...

Honestly, what else am I supposed to do? Get up and leave? Then I still won't get to the page! I get a little tired of ridiculous messages like that sometimes. Not more-so than I am this second as I wait for attachments to be added to an e-mail message. It is very boring, but I know in order to view the end message I have to wait, so I will make my macaroni and cheese and wait. Speaking of macaroni and cheese, I made a phenomenal dinner last night, but didn't get to enjoy it till well after dinner time.

It was a pesto chicken pasta with some awesome homemade pesto! But instead of eating I went to watch Nick's cousin play t-ball. She was pretty good till near the end, and like a good "Aunt Jess" I took photos, and they are the ones displayed. I put two up because one makes her look a little less like the athlete she thinks she is. It was taken about halfway through, and you can sort of tell that she was already done for the night.

Say, Click! Take a Pic!

Here is the random photo of the weekend. Sorry I couldn't very well add them all weekend with how busy I was, but I definitely did not forget to take some! It is of a bridge that I think I am in love with. It's so architecturally interesting!

Family Guy

If there is one thing males in Nick's family are not, it is Family Guys. That is all except Nick. He is very much a family guy and loves hanging out and doing things with his family as well as mine who have basically taken him in. The great thing about him being such a family guy is the way things tend to happen for him because of it. For example if Nick asks his brother or sister to scrub the toilet, they more than likely will do it without putting up a fight, but should anyone else ask them, they would get a dirty look and possibly some mouthiness.

This 'control' that he has with his family kind of makes me chuckle as I see time and time again people in his family having trouble controlling their kids and he simply states "well they don't have a problem listening to me, it must be your parenting style" This has brought me to the realization that he is right. Everyone in his family has a very passive style of parenting. Once you have learned to walk and talk, you are ready for the world "Have Fun!" So I have been thinking, what kind of parent would I be? I realized I would be much like Nick. I have a way with understanding kids' needs. Especially the whiney 2yr olds who constantly ask for cereal. It's not because they are hungry, it's because they are bored and not being engaged in anything productive.

So I decided that to do the world a good deed I will have one kid. I am hoping for a boy because they are said to be much easier, however I am so close to the little girl I watch I should probably hope for a girl. We think that with our parenting powers combined we will have one super-kid that changes the world. Or we might just have a normal kid, either way we decided this weekend we aren't shelving the child issue.

Strongly Worded Letter

Apparently that is what I am known for.

It could be because of all of the letters that I write to food chains when my food is not right, and I get sick. It could also be because when I want something done right and right away, the first thing I can think of is a movie I watched where some guy yelled "I am going to write a strongly worded letter!" I don't know the movie, maybe you do.

Anyway, Nick told his family that I was going to write a strongly worded letter to AAA due the the astronomically long wait that we had to endure in the hot sun while waiting for the tow truck to come. Which we are convinced was parked in the lot behind us the entire time we were waiting. Anyway we called at roughly 4:30pm and they kept telling us that we could not get a tow due to where we were located and how close we already were to "home" in NJ. So we decided it would be better if we towed the car to NJ and had Nick's father fix it there. We realized it would be better for everyone if we just separated and got the heck out of there. By 5:30 we should have been out of there, but we were not.

In fact it took them almost another half hour to locate the company that they had supposedly called, and make arrangements for them to pick us up. When the truck materialized from a lot behind us, I was livid, and ready to write my note. I am not sure if I will or not because things worked out well for everyone. The kids didn't have to see their father all night and they were really happy about it. We also won't have to see him all day long today as long as we get out of here on time.

It was crazy, but not as crazy as how the dog reacted when we all got home. Poor thing was locked up for hours waiting for us to get back and was so happy he was not abandoned. poor old man probably thought they had bought the house as his final resting place and were trying to find a way to leave him alone to die. But he is still a big ol' puppy, and it was great to be home.

Stressed out!

I'm not.

I am sitting here giggling to myself going, Ha Ha Ha, serves you right.

I know I am being a little spiteful here, but I think that people always get what they deserve. Nick's father (adoptive, not by blood thank god) has been a pretty darn horrible person lately. He has been completely off of his rocker.

Now we have to go bail him out, and pick him up in New Jersey because he refused to get the car looked at when it started to have problems months ago. The part that makes it interesting was that he was making his way up to New York (left at about 10am this morning) and only made it a couple hours away before he had to stop for gas and the car seized. The kids are complaining because they didn't want to go in the first place, and now they are uncomfortable and hungry. Yet again, Nick is here playing super-hero and ready to bail him out. I just think it is funny that his dad thinks that Nick "owes it to him." So I am laughing now, as Nick's mom showers and takes her time getting ready. As, the kids are complaining to him that he is too cheap to run across the street and get them some food, and how now he is going to have to explain all of this to his parents and find a way to also tell them that he lost his job.

I feel no pity for people like him. He knew what he was getting himself into, knew that the hole he dug was too deep and now is neck deep in all sorts of shit. His kids are inches from hating him because he fails to be honest with them, and doesn't respect them, and we are on the same note. We don't want to take his last name. I want nothing to do with it. I would rather take Nick's grandfather's name and pout the whole Gasparovich legacy behind us.

On top of all that, I feel that I stepped into mother role this weekend. I was walking the dog with Nick's sister Maria, and the dog did his business on some random guys lawn. He started to yell at Maria, and tell her not to let the dog do that on his lawn. I stood up for her and reamed him saying "She has the poop bag right there, give her a second! We can't help if he wants to shit on your lawn" Now, it was bad to swear at the creepy neighbor who I don't know and it probably scared him that somebody could be so downright mean, but I don't think grown men should talk like that to young kids. If he had a complaint he should have talked to her mother, and even if he did have a complaint, she was already pulling out the poop bag, and there was no reason to yell. I however had good reason. I was woke up by screaming way too early for my taste, and I hadn't had my coffee yet. Now that I have had my coffee though, I think I would still do the same thing. Does that make me too Jersey?

Memorial Day Weekend

So yet anther weekend in the Gasparovich home in Maryland because it seems like an easier drive to make than trying to go all the way back to NY after picking up my brother from his cruise. (During which he went to the Bahamas and bought me and Nick rum It wasn't native rum, but it was rum and on the cheap so he was smart.) Good thing about the nice break that I am taking until Friday is that I get some time to think and enjoy the sights.

~ I saw my brother while he was on the ship! He was on the second story of the ship, conveniently right under the life boats! I got a picture, but I am not really sure how clear it came out since it seemed ok on my end, but still fairly far away since I was still outside the baggage area.

~We went over a bridge with oncoming traffic! They seriously shut down one lane of the south-bound Chesapeake Bay Bridge, and in order to freak out my brother's fiance we took it on the way back. We were scared out of our minds, but I got some really neat photos!

~I was able to stretch my legs and breathe without little kids crawling all over me and playing with my nose and glasses. During this relaxation I realized how messed up these glasses are and how I need to get a new pair. These are over three years old anyway and it it about time. I think when I go to NY next week I will be stopping by the eye doctor's to see if they will accept my insurance out of state or if I have to wait.

~I have been thinking of ways to surprise my mother with the news that we are moving back to NY. The best idea so far is to send her a cookie bouquet where she works and have a little note saying "Surprise! We are coming home" but not telling her who it is from. I think her walking up to the house after work to find us there hiding with our suitcases will be enough for her to bawl and make a huge scene.

~Only two more weeks before I get to come back here again, but this time for a whole week. I get to take care of a dog, whom I love and adore and wish were mine. I don't have a pet where we live in NJ and don't dare ask, so he is as close as I get for now.

I realize that I have a lot more to think about in the coming months, (like where on earth I want to take Nick to celebrate him getting the job!) I am not at all prepared to go back to gloomy NY, but I am happy to get out of the scorching sun of NJ, and the dramatic house we live in. I will miss the kids, but I could take of leave his aunt and uncle they have good and bad days. I miss my family, and it is sad I can't call Nick's family mine yet that one may take time. I really want to be back in the same state as my mom simply to start a life that we thought we would have started back in December. I don't think I can ever trust staying with his family again. I know they will never pay back what they have drained from us, and I will just be cautious the next time someone makes us an offer that seems too good to be true.

If you Were wondering...

The shish Ka-bobs were amazing! I loved them, and so did everyone else.

Children's Commercials

The thing I like most about commercials directed at kids in the fact that the kids are always so happy. Same thing with magazine ads. Kids are awesome. I really like how many times you can take a picture of a kid and the faces are never exactly the same. For instance, the kid above is subject to torture by my when I constantly take her picture, and am usually in her face with a camera. The photo above was one of those "say cheese" moments where just before I took the picture, she decided that shoving a Twizzler in her mouth was a great idea. It didn't turn out bad though so I guess that I can't complain. She is a little cheeser, and I think that one day she will learn to resent the camera.

I used to be a lot like her in some ways regarding the camera. I used to like to say cheese and get bright lights flashed in my eyes. I even sat still during family photos in hopes to get a really good one. I never did though, and I was never photogenic until it was too late. I don't think I am photogenic now, but I have a tendency not to take horrible photos. As long as I am not talking, or eating, I take a pretty good photo. For your viewing pleasure, I have a photo of me that I love, and a photo of Kylie, the fiver year old.

Dear LOST

I have decided after mulling it over for a week that I need to write a letter to the writers of LOST.
I love their writing, don't get me wrong, there are just a few details that i need to personally iron out before the next season begins. I also need to know what the heck kind of drugs they are on, and why they are not sharing them with the rest of the world. So here it goes:

Dear LOST writers,

I have been watching your show for a couple years now, and I have to admit, at first I was a band-wagon fan. However, I realized fairly quickly that I cannot always trust my father's opinions on television shows, and just because someone tells me it is a horrible show does not mean that it is. I am glad that I found some people to share the joy of watching LOST and am happy to note that you can now call me a happy bandwagon fan of the show. I do feel that you could extend the series a bit, but that it just my suggestion. I personally will not have anything to watch on Wednesday nights after the final season ends, and I will probably have to revert back to the stone age and read books again. That being said I think I have a few questions that i need you to answer.

1st- How are there two John Locke bodies? I understand that Jacob's little poser man whatever his name is possesses a body that mimics John Locke's but if it is in fact John Locke's body, then how is it that there are two bodies? I would also like to know how it is that Christian has a "spirited" body on the island, but John Locke does not. I think this is unfair and something that you should consider explaining to me.

2nd- I am sick of trying to figure out if Claire is dead. I am sure at this point that she is, and that she was just a manifestation to those who saw her after she died, however, she was holding Aron at one point so that perplexes me. How can a ghost hold a baby? I know, the island does wondrous things. Stop it already!! It's Jacob doing wondrous things and now he is gone... or is he?

3rd- Why did some people actually die on the island and others not? Some of the people who "died" came back as a spirit thing, and others were simply put in the ground and never heard of again. I think to be fair, all dead peeps should be allowed camera time.

4th- Smoke monster = Jacob's friend dude? I think so, but I am not sure, and if this is the case then why did Jacob's "friend" not kill him long ago. It seems that smoke monster thing was all about wreaking havoc, and it couldn't kill one measly man? It seems ridiculous and I don't believe it, but so far that's all I got. Otherwise, how would the smoke monster persuade the spirit of Ben's daughter to tell him to do what John says? Does the smoke monster hate Jacob too?

5th- Last one, don't worry, my brain simply cannot handle it. The last episode was called "the incident" now I am assuming that by incident they mean the bomb blowing up the new station, but it all confuses me because if that is "the incident" then the station would not have gotten built and they never would have found it when the plane crashed, and if it were never there, the plane would never have crashed anyway. So what was "the incident" in the episode? Killing Jacob? That is my other theory, but I am never quite sure if I am just being a retard about things.

Thanks for reading, and should you not get back to me with all the answers, I guess I will just tune in next season and figure everything out myself. Let's hope that you don't forget any!

Holy Kodak Moment Batman!

Yes, I now have something fun to blag about. In the spirit of all that is the 1966 Batman Movie, which I forced a 6 yr old to watch this morning, I am blogging as if I were Robin, exclaiming all of the things that I do/see on a daily basis in order of appearance.

Holy Bathroom Batman!
Holy toothbrush batman!
Holy Bed Making Batman!
Holy Diapers Batman!
Holy Shower Batman!
Holy Hairbrush Batman!
Holy Sandwiches Batman!
Holy Bus Stop Batman!
Holy Naptime Batman!
Holy Chores Batman!
Holy Relaxation Batman!
Holy Dinner Batman!
Holy Movie Batman!
Holy Sleep Batman!

that's kind of my day in a nutshell, and I realize that if my life were a Batman movie it would be fairly boring, but I kind of like those days when "Holy Kodak Moment Batman" Happen like the random picture of today shows.

He was eating dinner with his sister, and I got the first shot of the two of them, but then he was making this cute face so I thought I would capture it, however I was stuck with that face... I love it!

Random shot

yes I forgot, the random shot of the day.

This is Nick's sister, and one of the first I took with the camera. I think she looks amazing.

Ode to Joy

Or is it an ode to Soup?

I am in love with soup. Soups of all kinds, all flavors, and all My favorite soupd ever is lobster bisque, with close runners up being cheesy chicken and broccoli (Nick's recipe) and Seafood Chowder from the place I used to work. I love creamy coups more I think, but I also like the staple chicken noodle, and vegetable beef. However I have found I really don't like campbell's I know it probably seems a little strange, but it is my preference to have something homemade over something in a can.

Yesterday I enjoyed a cup of tomato soup with some grilled cheese, and in order to dress it up a bit (it was of the canned variety) I put a little basil, chunked tomatoes, and parmesean cheese in with it as it simmered. I thought it was really good to have a change in the ordinary. I also really was ready for a grilled cheese, and the only way that was possible was to have soup with it.
But, yes, I love my soup. I could have it everyday for the rest of my life and be totally happy. I mean of course there are other ways to utilize soup, but I like the traditional method best. That is why I enjoy restaurants who give a free cup of soup to you when you order a meal.

I don't think I know many people who do not like soup, but if I did know anyone off-hand I am sure that I could change their minds if I just gave them one that they enjoyed. Like the tomato one that I made. An otherwise bland soup, tasted so much better all thanks to a little inventiveness. Now I am on to planning dinner for the rest of the week. It will be my first time ever making shish-kabobs and waldorf salad, but I am going for it. I think I will be able to find something amazing inside of me, and everyone will be proud.

Forgot something...

Oh yes, I forgot to post my random picture for yesterday.

It goes with the theme of my last post and I think it is fitting for improving my glum mood.

I also strained my knee, a sure sign that storms are coming in some sense, and I will not be able to run from them. I am wearing a brace all day and thinking of the photo above.

In Bloom

Yep, spring has sprung!

And rather quickly after that, it left, and sent cold weather and a frost.

Last night was the frost, and we had to pull all of my carefully tended plants back indoors. The poor things look as if I jostled them from a good nights sleep and pleasant dreams and are now a little sickly. I think they may have gotten hit with frost the other night when I wasn't here. Regardless, Mother Nature needs to make up her mind. Does she want me to pack my winter clothing or not?

This is the first day in almost a month that I have had to wear long sleeves. I will also have to dress Nick's 5 yr old cousin in a jacket, and she and I both hate the idea since I pick out the cutest outfits and a jacket throws the whole thing off. The positive thing is that I am actually quite cozy, and since I paid for the propane this month, I can happily put on the furnace and not feel like I am a psychotic cold blooded person who needs to find my internal thermostat.... actually I should do that anyway, I should put that on my list of things to do this week, along with changing the litter box. One of the chores I can't "It's a game!" the kids into. (however, if you want the kids to vacuum the house, they can play tag with the person with the vacuum being 'it' they never catch the others because the vacuum slows them down, but the house gets clean.)

So that's that. Mother Nature, make up your mind! To do: Litter and Inner Thermostat. I don't think either of us are going to listen to me.

Nom Nom Nom

So I have had a blissful day, which is odd being that I am back in the groove of things.

However, like every normal day in life I learned something new. I learned that kids cartoons have REALLY gone downhill since I was a kid. I remember Sesame Street thinking it was the best thing ever as a kid, and now I don't know a single kid who watches it. In fact there are so many mindless cartoons and the kids would rather watch them instead. It kind of makes me mad that people make those shows and attack the demographic like that, but at the same time it is a genius idea to make money.

I have decided that if I were to make a cartoon it would have the following components:

- a platypus. Kids don't know what it is, and it makes for an interesting character. Is it a duck? no! Is it a beaver? No! What is it?

- A female lead character that doesn't need the help of her male sidekick to solve issues.

- foreign language. Not spanish though, let's try for mandarin, or german. Something we don't already get a choice to learn in grade school.

- Education. I don't even care what we learn. It can be obscure facts about anything for all I care, but you have to learn something.

-Finally, it has to be something with music. There has to be a catchy theme-song that is not going to drive parents bonkers when the kids get hooked. So no, "Dora, Dora, Dora the Explorer" Dora and explorer don't rhyme so they should not make up the theme song. It drives me nuts when the eldest child here tells me "Hey aunt Jess, the Dora song rhymes!" and she is so excited because she thinks that it does, but when she gets tested on rhyming at school, she fails.

I also think that cartoons should have subtle adult humor. Family Guy is overboard, but you have to give us something to laugh at during the day too. Is it all too much to ask? I am now hunting down cartoons that I feel are suitable for her to watch around me. So far I am batting zero. She may end up watching ATHF tomorrow.

Slide Along Side

So my brother is on a cruise for the week. I am JEALOUS! Sort of, not really a big fan of motion sickness and I tend to get it in cars when I haven't been fed, or had sleep. The good thing about this is that I was able to take some fairly nice photos with the camera, including this awesome shot of the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. It looks much like a poorly lit tunnel, but it is really just an overcast sky. I think I am going to try and get some nicer shots of bridges and tunnels on the way home, or next week when we go back to retrieve him from the ship. (one great thing about living near Maryland is that now when one of my family members decides to take a cruise I can take advantage and get neat pictures of places I would probably never go myself.)

Through the whole day I realized I am not a great photographer in a moving vehicle, however when I am standing across a willing subject, I am not too shabby. I would like to test this out on others, but there are no willing participants to be my guinea pig. I shouldn't say none, because Nick's sister isn't too bad as a guinea pig, however it is hard to take pictures of a goofball who won't stop talking. I love the girl to death, but she is a typical 11 year old.

Don't Forget Your Angry Eyes

It's my favorite line from the children's movie "Toy Story 2" and if you don't know, it is in reference to Mrs. Potato head packing up Mr. Potato head for a trip. She packs his mustache, an extra pair of shoes and makes sure he doesn't forget those angry eyes, just in case.

I like this, because it reminds me of when I pack for Nick. It reminds me of all of the things that I do for him, and how he finds the best ways of repaying me. I don't expect repayment, but for Christmas this year, things were really tight, and although he knew what I really wanted for Christmas, he couldn't get it for me. It wasn't because he couldn't find it, but because all of the bills were past due when we moved into his aunt's house, and we quickly took them over to keep a roof over our heads. It also didn't help that we got my parents a 46" flat screen TV for Christmas, but we don't really count that because it is like a gift to ourselves not having to huddle so close when we are watching TV at their house.

Nick decided that Christmas would come in March for me this year, and I really was not expecting it. He got me a Wii Fit, which works out really well because I am in need of something quick to do in the house in order to stay fit, and since we do not live at my parents there is no elliptical machine for me to use. (ooh another perk to CNY I have 2 free gym memberships, and an elliptical at my parents house!) In typical Nick fashion, he led me to believe that it was one thing, and really it was another. (I thought it was a Kindle 2 reading device, because I was on a reading kick and I knew he thought it was a good techie device)

For my birthday in June, I am expecting the Kindle 2. At least this is what I told myself two days ago. I was thinking about it, and I thought that he knows me well, and he already bought the item, so it must be a Kindle 2. Well the item arrived and he wanted me to open it early. (yesterday morning before we left for MD.) I did, and I found that my birthday present was not a Kindle 2. In fact it was something that I had asked for a long time before Christmas, and kind of begged everyone I knew to get me. He got me a Nikon D60 Digital SLR Camera. The reason he gave it to me early was so that I could take great pictures of my brother and his fiance getting on their cruise ship tomorrow. I am really glad. Though this means I will not be opening something on my birthday, I know that it means he cares a lot about what I do for others. He knows that although my brother waited till the last minute to give me his plans for the trip, and we were both mad about that; I would still want to take pictures of him getting on the ship, simply to make sure he had memories.

Now I have officially been dubbed Papparazzi and I think the neighbors think that I am a detective of some sort. (I was peering out the windows taking pictures with my camera to figure out the best focal options) I like the new label, but I am sad that this blog didn't make it to yesterdays. I guess it took me a little time to figure out just how much Nick does for me, and how he really does appreciate me in all my Susie Home-maker glory.

Rash Decisions

So I woke up this morning, and was getting ready to start my day, when Nick crawls back into the bed and says "I called into work today, I am not going in." I just sat there looking at him funny, because he doesn't have a fever, and he never calls in sick. So I asked him if everything was ok, and he said yeah, but he wanted to spend more time with me. All sorts of things started to fly through my head, like does he have the swine flu, should I take him to the hospital, he looked ok, but maybe there was really something wrong. Like I said before he never calls in, but this was his first rash decision of the day.

I went upstairs after realizing this, and started to get things together for my day, knowing I would have the kids and nothing was ready. I poured my coffee, looked at the fridge and noticed that all of the pictures were re-arranged and every picture that had me or Nick in it was removed. I looked at Nick's uncle and plainly asked "What happened to the fridge?" He said, "I cleaned it off," and he walked out of the room. I decided he might also be nuts, but I realize after the fact that this was his final rash decision of the morning.

I went down to the basement, and I made the bed while Nick got ready to take a shower. I then saw that I had a netflix laying on the end table and decided to walk it out to the mailbox. I did this and on my walk back to the house, I noticed that all of the flowers I had planted in pots had been knocked over and "replanted" I walked into the house muttering "stupid ass" and went to drink the rest of my coffee that was now getting cold on the counter. Nick's uncle walked into the kitchen and said "Hey, I meant to tell you, I accidentally knocked over your plants. I tried to replant them, but they weren't looking to well so I just threw them in how I thought they should go." I looked at him blankly, and said "I thought they looked odd," and decided to forget about it. However, my attention was now on something else I spotted behind him. The Christmas card that we had given them, was folded in half, bending the picture completely and shoved under the phone book. It was obvious (to me) that this was nothing short of malicious, and I ultimately came to the conclusion that these had been one of his first rash decisions of the day.

Nick exited the shower. I made my rash decision. "I am done. I am taking my shower, and then we are leaving. I am done!" I said it all in a harsh whisper, and Nick knew better than to not take me seriously. It was my only rash decision of the day. Nick made a rash decision soon after and we left and went to Maryland.

Now, the reason it was rash is because I don't "know" all of the details. for all I know something exploded in the kitchen, and got all over our Christmas card, as well as every family photo that linked Nick and I to his. The one of Nick, his mother, his aunt, his cousin and myself at a wedding was even removed. The only pictures that remained were the ones of his kids, and one of his mother. Now rash as my decision was, I packed my shit and got out of there as fast as I could. I was not staying another moment in a place where I was not welcome. I did send his aunt a message telling her that is this is how he pays us back for paying his bills and postponing our wedding to do so, then he can watch the kids himself. I also appologized for the inconvenience it would bring her because I know she was expecting me to stay, so he could get on the road early. I am just stressed, and I made a rash decision. I am not going to defend it and say it was the best decision, or the right decision, but I will say that it was a decision I made and I will stand by it.

I also made another decision today. I will not be disrespected, walked all over, or mocked anymore. I mean obviously the last may still happen when my back is turned, but I really don't have to put up with any of it. I don't know why I was so happy before, being a doormat, but I am no longer happy, and there is no reason why I shouldn't be.

Homeless

So officially when we get back to NY in 2 months we are homeless.

The college says no way to us staying in the open suite, even though it is open and nobody will be using it. My parents have offered a place for us to stay, but there is not a lot of space there, and I am afraid that there really will not be enough space for us to be there comfortably. So now we are looking for apartments. I think we should live in the ones where Greg lives and say we are cool like him, but I really want Nick to seriously think about getting a house. I have three motives to this.

1- If we get a house we are paying substantially less, for more space and more freedoms. I am all about freedom when it comes to monthly payments.

2- If we get a house, all of the money goes toward paying for US, not for paying some "dude" who will not let us fix things ourselves, and won't fix things for us in a timely manner. I am all about being Ms. Fixit and not paying "some dude" to do things for me. Go Independence!!

3- If we get a house, we are more likely to stay in NY forever. Ok maybe not forever, but having a place to call home makes it more likely for us to not want to leave home. That's how I feel and I know that Nick will feel the same way if he thinks about it.

So now I am spending my free time looking on the internet for a place of our own. I have a couple houses that I have found, but in interest of making it seem like I am trying harder to appease Nick, I am also looking at apartments. So far not a lot of luck, but I think once college kids start clearing out, there will be more space for us. Here's hoping... know any good places?

Grounded

Kids getting grounded is sad. Unless they really deserve it, but then again even if they do deserve it, it is still sad to see them depressed at knowing that they disappointed you.
I have officially decided that my kids will never be grounded due to the face I received today for grounding Nick's cousin. (Mind you she was only grounded from the TV for disrespecting it, and throwing toys at it, and then leaving it on while she left the room for three hours.)

Here is a short list of things I will make my kids do, instead of grounding them:

1- slave labor- I figure they can work for their keep in odd jobs around peoples yards and stuff. Things like weeding, and other boring stuff. I will allow them to make money off of it, but the money will go straight into a college fund.

2-Cat litter box- I have always stated I will never have a cat again, but should I slip and get one anyway, my kids will clean up after it. Thankfully they will only have to get in trouble once a week, and that way my cat litter box will always be clean.

3- Writing letters to kids who have less, and donating and item to said kid- This one I used to have to do. I would have to write a letter stating to the kid that I understood that I had a lot more than them in life, and sometimes I don't appreciate it, therefore they may now have my____. (In my case I would have to give a brand new toy, or new clothes, or worse yet, go out and buy something with the little spending cash I had, and donate that!)

4- Fill two trash bags with things they don't "respect" - the bags would not be necessarily thrown out, but they would be stored until a later date, when respect for those items is in place. In my case, this happened a couple times and my mom pulling out the bags was enough for me to respect everything in the house.

5- Walk in someone elses shoes for a day- This one was one of my favorite punishments, and I know that this is really weird, but my mother had a map attatched to a tack board and we would throw a dart at the map, and research that places way of life. The kids did the research to understand that many places in the world don't have the same freedoms, or liberties that we take for granted, and mom would do the cooking. She would make one dish from the country, or city where the dart landed, and we would get to eat it. (I had an uncanny knack for landing on China and Japan, so mom tended to buy take-out for those lol)

I think punishment should be fun. I actually don't believe in "punishment" I believe in positive reinforcement, but leave that to the psycho in me. You have any good ideas on how I can punish my kids should I be crazy and have them?

I am Sick of it ALL!!!

I don't want allergies, or illness to come near me EVER again!! I don't know why, but every year, around this time I am assaulted by crappy pollen, and grubby germs. I guess I can chalk it up to the fact that I am around really dirty and messy toddlers all day long, but I think that something is out to get me. I think that is the real issue.

I feel like I am in a bubble, kind of floating around today, so here is my clever limerick about my situation, pardon the errors, I haven't written a limerick in a long time.

This sickness makes me feel real funny,
I feel like the world is not sunny,

However it's clear,

Through all of the drear,

My nose is not stuffy, it's runny.

I think it is cute simple because the only thing I know for certain right now is that i am blowing my nose every three or four minutes to keep from looking like a sick 2 year old. It's nice though, my being sick means that I can't go to the pediatrician with the kids. They went a little while ago, and he said "I can't bring you with me, you are sick and can't be around other kids, being around mine is bad enough" So I have the big kid, and she gets on the bus for school in about 20 minutes. She has officially told me that she wants to be a messenger when she grows up. She says it means that she delivers packages really quickly. I think she wants to be a UPS driver, and I think that is kind of cool. She's really nice, and she already says "Mom, don't kill the messenger" when her mom yells at her for telling her that he dad said he wasn't coming in for dinner. I love it, she has such odd aspirations, so different from any other kid I know. Heck when I was five I wanted to be a Doctor/ballerina/mom/librarian. And that's only because I knew a doctor that did all but the librarian stuff.

Final Update

And this will mean I have to find something better to blog about than Nick's new job options.

he accepted the job!!
HR is in the process of drawing up the contract, and he will officially start work on August 3rd. he is going to put in his 2 weeks notice at the last minute because they will probably fire him that day. Even though he could just not show up on the 3rd and say that due to employment at will he is no longer willing to work there for a cheap price. So far the agreement that he accepted is for 53,ooo which is a raise from where he is right now, and we will be able to afford a good place as soon as we get to NY. He did mention that there was a suite open in the Mohawk dorms that he would like to have written into the contract for three months or so. Tony from HR thought is was amusing that he knew that it was available and was using it as part of a bargaining chip. It seems like Nick has the upper hand because there are so many people willing to bend steel to get him into the job.

I am officially beyond excited. I have already packed half of my clothes in preparation. When we go back in two weeks, I am renewing my permit, and scheduling a road test. NY has an easier road test so I should pass on the first attempt. I am happy and ready to go.

Yesterday was fun though, as we spent the entire day at a birthday party for his twin cousins. There was a lot of wine drinking, and card playing, and I only wish the day would have lasted longer. I have a feeling Nick's family cheated the whole time we were playing to get me to lose, but I still won. It was a great day, and I didn't have to change a single diaper! The kids had so much fun, but they were exhausted by the end of the night, and cried only a little before falling asleep. The best part of the day though was when Kristina talked to me. People were looking at me funny because I was talking to a toddler and she was talking back. She doesn't know a lot, but I understand her jumbled sentences enough to know what the jist of it is. She even said "bless you jess" when I sneezed and made people laugh. It was a very good stress free day!

Nick's mother came too, so there was a "mother" there for me. I couldn't get ahold of mine all day though. I think it was because she was sitting by the pond drinking tea and missing me as much as I was missing her. I hope she enjoyed my three messages on the answering machine though, I was kind of annoying. I have to be though, it would not be Mother's day if I didn't pester her a bit before telling her I miss her and love her.

Reminiscing Mom

So since I will have no time at all this weekend, with the babies turning two, running around and getting an ice cream cake, and making sure we get all of the flowers delivered and somehow still managing to get me some new eye wear, and stay sane, I am going to reminisce about all of the good things I enjoy about my mother or mother's day in general. This will be my ode to motherhood.

My mother and I did not get along when I was in high-school. I think that she thought that I was really messed up because I was an introvert, and my choice of friends was none so pleasant. The worst part about it to me was that I never did anything to make her think I was doing anything bad. In fact there were many times that I was invited to underage parties, and illegal social functions and I passed saying that it was not my scene. Also, I silently knew she would never let me go, and I was no good at sneaking anywhere, let alone out. The best part of our disagreement came when she took me to see a therapist. I think this was where she realized that I was a really good kid. I talked to the therapist just like she wanted me to, and the therapist talked to her saying "I don't know what you want me to say. It looks like she is on a good track and has a good head on her shoulders" I think this made my mom feel horrible for doubting me because when we got in the car she asked me "Why did you come if there was really nothing wrong?" I told her that I knew she needed to know I was ok, and she pulled the car over to cry. I realized then that she had had me on a leash because she suspected I was doing something wrong and was scared. Things turned around after that, and I think she got the recognition for being a good mother that she needed when I started being nominated for awards in school. People in the community would congratulate her for being such a good mother and she constantly deflected saying it was because I was a good kid, but I think she knew deep down that she had nothing to worry about because she was such a good mom, I had the best role model.

She was also a great cook. However that trait did not hit me till college. She tried to teach me a couple times, but I never got the tricks. One trick in particular was that you have to READ the cookbook. We were making chicken and dumplings once, and I was reading the cookbook. When we got to the part where it asked how much parsley in the dumplings I told her the measure. She poured it in and the meal finished with a much greener dumpling than I was used to. Little did I know there was a measure for dry and fresh parsley and I had given her the measure for fresh by mistake. I ruined the meal, but she still let me lick the brownie beaters!

One year we celebrated mother's day by giving my mom homemade dolls. Bad idea because we used stuff that was laying around the house. They were fat little lumped of stuffed material, and the worst eyesore ever, but my mother was awesome, and took it in stride. She kept them for years, and I think If I looked I would find them all.

My mother tends to have animated reactions to surprises. None surprised me more than her reaction to Nick asking to marry me. It is the one thing that my parents found most respectful of him, as my sister's fiance never asked, and they felt it was a rite of passage that he evaded. The story goes that my mother and father were dozing on the couch and Nick was watching TV with them. They woke up after the end of a movie, and he took his opportunity to ask. My mother stunned and awed, launched herself a good 4 feet over a coffee table and into his arms for a bear hug. Only my mother could react in this way. She was so happy he was going to be a part of the family, although she had predicted it months earlier.

I think the thing I like most about my mother is that her role in my life has evolved. She will always be my mother and the place that I call home will be where she is, but she has stopped being my protector, and enlisted that job to someone else; and she has since stopped trying to make me go a certain way. I think she always knew I would follow in her footsteps, and I am kind of proud to say that I have.

Without her my life would be totally different. I probably would never have read a single book as a kid because nintendo had started coming out with so many game systems and almost all of my friends had them. I probably never would have helped raise a kid at the age of 10, therefore solidifying my awesome ability to take care of kids. The little things in my life that I took for granted are now cherished and I am somewhat sad this year because it is the first Mother's Day ever that I have not been home with my mother. I know what I would be doing if I were there this weekend, sitting by the pond drinking tea and enjoying a nice conversation about how great her flowers have turned out. Instead, I will be stressed out about how much work goes into preparing a kids birthday party, and making sure my ice cream cake doesn't melt.

I hope that everyone who stumbles into this has a great weekend and a Happy Mother's Day!

Phone Call

Some "dude" from SUNYIT HR called yesterday. Nick tried to call back. No answer. I love phone tag!

Swine Flu

So, no, I do not have it, but it is scaring me. I get sick an awful lot and never really get rest anymore. Since there have been people in Vineland, NJ who have it, I don't want to be one of those people who get it from them and find out the next day when I am on bedrest. Worse is that I don't want to give it to Nick, and I definitely don't want to end up visiting home and giving it to my mom.
I think it is a little ridiculous that I am so scared of something like the swine flu, but ridiculous or not, I know where my army grade gas masks are should things get bad.

It just makes me think of all of the nutty things that I was crazy to be scared of when I was a kid.

Lobsters- my mom brought fresh ones home once for an anniversary gift for my dad. They walked around the kitchen a bit before she washed them up and threw them in the pot. I remember the screams as they got boiled and had nightmares of lobsters crawling up my lobster bib saying "help!"

Birthday Candles- not my own. I was afraid if I was on the opposite side of the cake of the person blowing out the candles, the flames would jump off the candles and set me on fire.

My dad's electric carving knife- I thought it was an equivalent to a chainsaw which I was equally afraid of. I had nightmares of "texas chainsaw masacres" in my house with the substitution of the carving knife.

Ladders- I think I was just afraid of falling, but I never went up higher than the first few rungs unless I had to for my dad. I always shook like crazy and sometimes cried when I had to.

Roadkill Squirrels- I lived in Utica back in the day, and there was an abundance of squirrels dead on the roads. I was afraid they were all going to get up one day and seek revenge.

Through a Little Girl's Eyes

So I never got to share my amazement of what I heard from Nick's little cousin Kylie.

About two weeks ago, when the weather was nice and not dreary and rainy, I took the kids out and we were drawing with sidewalk chalk. It was my job to draw the entire family, with Kylie's input. She said that I had to draw because I am an artist, and she just scribbles. She also said that in order to draw it right she was going to order me on how. I took her orders in stride, sand here is what she said about each person.

Daddy- make him tall. Put a fish-man hat on him because it will look like floppy. Make him blue because he is a boy.

Mommy- make her short. No! Wider! and make her wear heel shoes. Make her orange cause she likes it.

Kylie- I want to be pink! And I have long straight hair. I am shorter than mommy, and I have a pretty dress because I am a girl. (she is the only one wearing clothes at this point)

Brother- He is green because he is wearing green now. Make him really short because he is a baby. He can wear shorts and sneakers, not sandals, he doesn't have sandals.

Sister- She is short, and purple. The same tallness of Kevin. She has crazy curly hair, like way out here! (points to a piece of pavement about two feet from the head)

Me- You have to be in my picture too! You are aunt Jess! You are white, because you were an angel sent to mommy. You are a lifesaver. You play wii fit, can you draw wii fit?

Nicky- (due to my suggestion) I guess he can be there too, but he lives in the basement with you. he can be yellow. And he has to wear a crazy color shirt. Like totally crazy, because that is what he does.

I think she is adorable. We didn't do the cat like she wanted because I told her I didn't know how to draw one very well. The drawings finally washed away and now she wants me to go back out, because her family is "missing" I think she brightens my day daily, and I love her for it.

Sick Day

I find it interesting that I have been sick for months, with the sniffles, headaches, coughs and even stomachaches. However I have never told Nick's family that I couldn't watch their kids for the day. Which includes feeding them, and making sure the eldest gets on the bus. Today however, their mother took a sick day. It's funny to me because most mothers say "sick day, what's that" and here she is sitting on the couch in the other room, calling to me every ten seconds because one of the kids is climbing on her, or one of the kids is getting into something two feet from her.

It's a rough line for me to draw, and I am not really sure there is a solid line. I don't get a sick day, so how does she? The agreement was that she was going to work, and trying to get the bills paid. However with her taking a sick day, the bills are a little less paid this month. Which works out for her in the end because I paid the propane bill yesterday. I think I am torn because generally the kids stay in the room I am in currently all day long, and never get into things in the other room. With her in there, they are excited to be in a new room with new people. I hate that room cause it is drafty, cold and uncomfortable, and I like being lazy on the comfy couch I am on.

I think the above scenario is one reason I would never want kids. Just because I am afraid that I would one day want, or need a sick day, and I just can't take it without feeling guilty. I think I would feel like I was abandoning them if I decided to stay in bed all day and let someone else do it for me.

Well this gives me more time to ponder why the college still hasn't called. I am not scared that he won't get it, I am just wondering what is causing them to drag their feet. He is surely the most qualified person who applied, and definitely was not greedy in his requests. I think they have to wait till graduation is over though in order to dodge the technicalities.

Thorn in my Side

I am 100% not joking when I say that I got ready for my day, and have been walking around with a thorn in my side. It must have been caught in my clothing before I washed it, and it has been poking me in the side all morning! I have tried countless times today to remove it, but couldn't seem to find it. However, it got really bad a few minutes ago and I finally was able to yank it out. Sadly I now have a small red spot where it had been digging at my skin, and it is not irritated. go figure that when I start to have a good day, something as ironic as that would happen to me!

On a positive note, which things tend to have gone since my miserable Saturday where I had some memory loss, our Sunday was really fun and kind of odd. I woke up, kind of normal and groggy, and I looked straight at Nick and said "Let's go to Maryland, now. Let's bring Kylie with us. She misses Marko and Maria." He looked at me as if I had woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and was hit with a stupid stick. Oddly only part one of that statement was true cause somehow we had switched sides of the bed, and I ended up on his very uncomfortable side. However, I was serious, and I wanted to bring Kylie with us to Maryland for the day.

Kylie is Nick's 5 year old cousin, who is stuck in the middle of the headed for divorce, fighting, nasty comment throwing, screaming baby, family that we live with. We thought that it would be nice to get her out of it all for a day, also knowing that she would fall asleep on the car rides there and back. She is also very low maintenance, and we would not have to follow her around or entertain her the entire time we were at his mom's. Her parents allowed us to take her, and we had a really good day. Nick's brother and sister, Marko and Maria, were really excited that she was there, and they entertained her while we relaxed.

It was good to get away from all the wackiness of Saturday, and feel like I wasn't on drugs, and going to forget half the day. Also, I found out that Nick's uncle is leaving for a week next week! Join me in a YAY!!!! What makes it even better is that he wants to take the twins with him. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I am really hoping that he will take them so I get entire afternoons off. I still have to break it to them that for two whole weeks I will be out of town, and they will have to fend for themselves. Two weeks, in a row in June. Things are really looking up!

Never Again

So today was an interesting day to say the least. I am amazed that I am even able to take a few minutes out and type this, but here goes a brief synopsis of my rather crappy day.

5:35am- woke up and asked Nick if he wanted to get in the shower before his uncle, because his uncle tends to find days that we need to get some place and get in the shower, shave and whatever else you can do in a bathroom to waste time, just to hold us up. He said no, I was taking no chances so I ran upstairs into the only bathroom in the house and took over.

6:00am- everyone in the house is awake and noticeably pissed that me and Nick "dared" get ready before them. I say in my head "piss off" and go about getting ready and waiting for Nick to do the same.

7:00am- we are out the door. We have to drive an hour to Philadelphia and at some point before then find a place to eat. We pick Nick's favorite diner, and have a relatively good meal except nobody in NJ gets the concept of "No potatoes." I hate them for breakfast and they make me want to gag. I gagged all through breakfast at the sight.

8:30am we get to the Philadelphia Art Museum and are sitting in the car listening to music. Nick forgets that the lights are on. Our car is now dead in a "pay to park" lot so AAA most likely will not be able to bail us out.

9:00am- it's starting to rain. Great! We go inside to take our tour. Nick loves the tourguide. I wish we had had a competent one who didn't stutter and talk about how people copied Cezanne. Nick doesn't get how three squares in a mural are representative of Cezanne's work in three planes. I do, and I find that this annoys me. I hate Nick's co-workers. They made fun of people walking around with hospital masks on. I think "Well if you came to Philly and heard that PA was where the H1N1 infected plane was, wouldn't you want to wear a mask too?"

10:30am- Our tour finally ends, and I just want to get out of the museum. Nick doesn't want to be the first to leave. We go to see a mural that I was looking at earlier and I find it is a lot more creepy up close. I am still pissed at the tour guide for not talking about artists changing their minds throughout the process, so we leave.

11:00am- we talk to security and they have a jump pack we can use. Some security guard escorts us to our car after another guard tells him we are members of the museum. We are no, I thank the guy and make a mental note to send a fruit basket. I won't. After 15 minutes in the rain, the guy finally gets the car jumped. In the process I think he realized we weren't members.

12:00- we get back to NJ and I decide I don't want to hang out with Nick all day. I can't stand sitting around watching his friend at work with nothing to do, so I decide it is naptime. I lose recollection of the rest of my day until I am woke by his aunt and uncle coming home. In the time I lost I packed a bag for MD, ate my salad for lunch (I hope it was good) and Nick left to see his friends. I don't remember a thing.

4:00pm I am now fully awake and crying for no reason on Nick's aunts couch. I don't know why I am crying, all I can stutter out is "Nick's not here" and "I have a fever." I get a text from Nick saying that all of the problems the car has been having are due to a shotty past mechanic and now will cost over $1000. We don't have the money, and neither does his past mechanic who happens to be his uncle. We are screwed.

I have come to the determination that I have undiagnosed Swine Flu (H1N1)

I have also come to the determination that I can't stand Nick's friends. I feel left out because I am not a trekkie, and I usually fall asleep around them which makes me self conscious. I would rather be sitting at home alone than feel either of those two.

I think I hate his uncle too, but I will let that one slide for today.

Today just was not a good day.

Jai Ho!

So my tip of the day is that everyone who has not already seen "Slumdog Millionaire" should grab it from their local Blockbuster, and watch it. It is an amazing movie, and now the theme song is stuck in my head. I watched it when I went home last, a couple weeks ago, but I can't seem to get the movie or the song out of my head. I think it is a great story, and very entertaining as well.

Apparently all, or most of the actors were taken right out of the slums of Mumbai and asked to be in the movie. I think it is amazing, and recommend it to anyone, and everyone looking for a good dvd.

Personally, I am waiting fro Bride Wars to come through my queue. Right now I have a TV series at home, but it just is not working for me the way the past few seasons of it did.

Other than that little tidbit, my blog will be vacant for another few days. I am going to be at the museum, and then with Nick's friends in NJ for the rest of the weekend. Then it is back to my normal stresses over the kids for the week, adding on that I will be preparing for Nick's mother to come visit. The kids turn two next weekend, and I am baking up a storm of cupcakes for the little buggers!