That is, till someone get's hurt.
Which quite possibly could be happening this Tuesday. I don't want to go to my brother's birthday dinner, and I may do anything to get out of it. Thing about this is that we just went out to lunch with friends today, and will be going out to dinner on Monday for wings which is our ritual. I don't really feel like going out again for wings on Tuesday, and everything but the wings tastes sub-par at the place of their choice.
It is not that I don't like my brother either. I love him. I just don't think that since his birthday is Sunday, that we should be celebrating early. It is one thing to celebrate after, but another to do it almost a week before. I think it is cheating lol.
So for once I have a dilhemma in my family. To go, or not to go. To disappoint or to suck it up. Right now I am choosing disappoint, just because of poor planning (I found out yesterday) but I will see how I am feeling tomorrow, and Monday, never know, things may change. My heart might unfreeze by then!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
The Ugly Truth
The single best part about being home all day long, and not having a job is that i get to go about my day as I please, and not deal with the criticism of my decisions. Today I didn't do much at all as I didn't plan on doing anything other than clean up a little and possibly bake cookies, but as the day went on, I decided that I wanted to watch one of my Netflix movies and wrap the remainder of the gifts that we bought last night. I was not amused to find out that the wrapping paper that we bought was thin, and you could see through it, and I was even more un-amused that the movie that I had chosen was fiarly good, but unrealistic. It's called "The Ugly Truth" and starts the blond from Grey's Anatomy. I usually like her because she plays a strong female lead role, however she portrayed a desperate control freak and submitted to stupidity.
It got me to thinking that it is not right for people to expect someone to change just for them. I guess it is understandable to want people to change, but you have to be realistic in understanding that if something is not in a person's nature, they most likely will not change and start an activity just because someone wants them too. For instance, I have always washed my dishes right after dinner, in order to keep the kitchen clean, and my OCD in check. I can relax much easier that way, and I have peace of mind when I finish the job. However, Nick was not brought up the same way, so I always do the dishes. We had an agreement for a while that if I cooked, he would clean up, and he never did it right after dinner, so I couldn't relax. I started to do the dishes right after dinner all the time, and realized it just wasn't something I could expect him to do because he has been trained to not do them right away (if at all... poor cast iron pan he used on Sunday was found Monday morning by me, and I was not amused.)
It is a small thing that I have come to terms with, and I was a little upset when the movie took so long making a point that this was the case. the fact that they did it in a backwards way was much worse, and I still don't understand what they were tying to prove. Just goes to show you that sometimes there are ugly falsehoods hidden in the ugly truth.
It got me to thinking that it is not right for people to expect someone to change just for them. I guess it is understandable to want people to change, but you have to be realistic in understanding that if something is not in a person's nature, they most likely will not change and start an activity just because someone wants them too. For instance, I have always washed my dishes right after dinner, in order to keep the kitchen clean, and my OCD in check. I can relax much easier that way, and I have peace of mind when I finish the job. However, Nick was not brought up the same way, so I always do the dishes. We had an agreement for a while that if I cooked, he would clean up, and he never did it right after dinner, so I couldn't relax. I started to do the dishes right after dinner all the time, and realized it just wasn't something I could expect him to do because he has been trained to not do them right away (if at all... poor cast iron pan he used on Sunday was found Monday morning by me, and I was not amused.)
It is a small thing that I have come to terms with, and I was a little upset when the movie took so long making a point that this was the case. the fact that they did it in a backwards way was much worse, and I still don't understand what they were tying to prove. Just goes to show you that sometimes there are ugly falsehoods hidden in the ugly truth.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Why Things Don't Work.
I am beginning to think that this whole, saying hi to everyone thing might not work out. Today I went to the Post Office, something that I planned on doing since I had planned on saying hi to everyone that I meet, and upon saying the standard greeting of 'Hello' I was shocked at the response.
The poor woman that I said hi to turns to her husband who was sitting at the counter and says "Robert, do you know this woman!?! Is she trying to mug me?!?" He turns to me and looks me over, and then turns to her and says, "No, I've never seen her before" turning to me "do we know you?" I was kind of stunned and just mumbled "No, I was just saying hi." The woman then turns to me and does that old woman eye roll, you know the one that everyone's Grandmother makes when you do something that is ridiculous and they don't really want to chastise you for, and then says to me, "Dear, if this is your way of distracting me to get my purse, it is not working."
So that went well right?
The poor woman that I said hi to turns to her husband who was sitting at the counter and says "Robert, do you know this woman!?! Is she trying to mug me?!?" He turns to me and looks me over, and then turns to her and says, "No, I've never seen her before" turning to me "do we know you?" I was kind of stunned and just mumbled "No, I was just saying hi." The woman then turns to me and does that old woman eye roll, you know the one that everyone's Grandmother makes when you do something that is ridiculous and they don't really want to chastise you for, and then says to me, "Dear, if this is your way of distracting me to get my purse, it is not working."
So that went well right?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Excessive Shyness
I have decided today that there are not enough self-help manuals out there that can help everyone. Mainly because the people who write the books are usually "survivors" of the symptoms of which they claim to be able to help solve.
I need a self help book on self confidence and getting over my shyness. There is nothing in my local library that covers both aspects, and nothing that I have found through my research. I am crippled in social situations because of these aspects of my life, and I have lost out on so many opportunities that were, as other people describe them, perfect for me. The most recent and most compelling to me is my inability to get a job. I have more than enough credentials to get the jobs that I am applying for, so competence is not the issue. I am finding that the issue is that I am socially awkward and unremarkable when it comes to face to face interviews. Metlife is the most recent company that I applied to and failed miserably. I tried to blame it on the fact that I was interviewing with a male, and therefore intimidated, I blamed it on the fact that I didn't own any good clothing, and that he thought I looked too plain. I also blamed it on the fact that I lost my previous job for taking the wrong person's advice and getting fired, therefore failing the background check portion.
None of those reasons would be the only reason for my not getting the job, so I had to reflect on things that I said and things that I did in the interview, and sure enough I thought that I was a complete basket-case when it came to the interview. I answered every question right, but my body language was all over the map. One minute I was confident in my skills, and the next I was cowering back because I had no clue what I was doing there. The building was intimidating and the people were more so. I had never i my life had to have an ID tag to visit a building before, and to me that was scary and ominous of the fact I might not be ready for what the job had to offer me.
I think in that case, my self confidence failed me, and let's face it, I am not all that confident as it is, so a failure of my confidence is not a significant drop, but it leads to great overall failure. I have been talking to myself for weeks telling myself that opportunities come and go and I just have to find the job that is right for me, and the more I tell myself this the more ridiculous it sounds. What more could I want than to help people? The job I would have been doing would have directly helped those people that are struck with grief after a loved on dies. I would be giving the good news that checks would be sent to them monthly thanks to the benefits that their loved one had left in their name. I would be giving GOOD NEWS in an insurance company. I would be the good guy, and I REALLY wanted that job. It was just too bad I blew it. so after what I would call a major pitfall (breaking down to the point of ceasing my job search and saying "screw it" all too many times) I finally woke up to the fact that just because I don't think I can do it, does not mean that I can't.
I decided that I would have to help myself. I looked up self help books because they are supposed to help, and I like reading so at least my reading list would get longer than just the Sookie Stackhouse novels that I have been reading month after month. There was nothing for me out there in the world of books, and yet again I felt defeated. Till this morning when I was walking home from church (something else i gave up on for a while) and I had an epiphany. Why rely on someone else when I am so scared of every person I encounter?
I have decided that I am going to write my own self help book. Or rather I am going to stick to stages of my own self help in order to deal with it. Step 1 for me will be saying "hello" to everyone that I pass. This is hard for me being that not everyone that I pass is friendly, and although I live in a small town, I will have to force myself to leave the house, and socialize with someone other than my dog and my family. I don't really like the idea, but I think it will be helpful to force myself out of my comfort zone more often. I can't tell you how intimidating step 1 is right now because as it was before I tended to walk around town with my head down, and avoided contact with people. I think the holiday season will give me an excuse to be friendly, and that way I won't feel like a fool. Because let's face it, needing a list to force myself to be social feels foolish enough.
I need a self help book on self confidence and getting over my shyness. There is nothing in my local library that covers both aspects, and nothing that I have found through my research. I am crippled in social situations because of these aspects of my life, and I have lost out on so many opportunities that were, as other people describe them, perfect for me. The most recent and most compelling to me is my inability to get a job. I have more than enough credentials to get the jobs that I am applying for, so competence is not the issue. I am finding that the issue is that I am socially awkward and unremarkable when it comes to face to face interviews. Metlife is the most recent company that I applied to and failed miserably. I tried to blame it on the fact that I was interviewing with a male, and therefore intimidated, I blamed it on the fact that I didn't own any good clothing, and that he thought I looked too plain. I also blamed it on the fact that I lost my previous job for taking the wrong person's advice and getting fired, therefore failing the background check portion.
None of those reasons would be the only reason for my not getting the job, so I had to reflect on things that I said and things that I did in the interview, and sure enough I thought that I was a complete basket-case when it came to the interview. I answered every question right, but my body language was all over the map. One minute I was confident in my skills, and the next I was cowering back because I had no clue what I was doing there. The building was intimidating and the people were more so. I had never i my life had to have an ID tag to visit a building before, and to me that was scary and ominous of the fact I might not be ready for what the job had to offer me.
I think in that case, my self confidence failed me, and let's face it, I am not all that confident as it is, so a failure of my confidence is not a significant drop, but it leads to great overall failure. I have been talking to myself for weeks telling myself that opportunities come and go and I just have to find the job that is right for me, and the more I tell myself this the more ridiculous it sounds. What more could I want than to help people? The job I would have been doing would have directly helped those people that are struck with grief after a loved on dies. I would be giving the good news that checks would be sent to them monthly thanks to the benefits that their loved one had left in their name. I would be giving GOOD NEWS in an insurance company. I would be the good guy, and I REALLY wanted that job. It was just too bad I blew it. so after what I would call a major pitfall (breaking down to the point of ceasing my job search and saying "screw it" all too many times) I finally woke up to the fact that just because I don't think I can do it, does not mean that I can't.
I decided that I would have to help myself. I looked up self help books because they are supposed to help, and I like reading so at least my reading list would get longer than just the Sookie Stackhouse novels that I have been reading month after month. There was nothing for me out there in the world of books, and yet again I felt defeated. Till this morning when I was walking home from church (something else i gave up on for a while) and I had an epiphany. Why rely on someone else when I am so scared of every person I encounter?
I have decided that I am going to write my own self help book. Or rather I am going to stick to stages of my own self help in order to deal with it. Step 1 for me will be saying "hello" to everyone that I pass. This is hard for me being that not everyone that I pass is friendly, and although I live in a small town, I will have to force myself to leave the house, and socialize with someone other than my dog and my family. I don't really like the idea, but I think it will be helpful to force myself out of my comfort zone more often. I can't tell you how intimidating step 1 is right now because as it was before I tended to walk around town with my head down, and avoided contact with people. I think the holiday season will give me an excuse to be friendly, and that way I won't feel like a fool. Because let's face it, needing a list to force myself to be social feels foolish enough.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I'm Baaack!
Sort of.
Things have been so hectic, and I am actually without a computer at the moment. My computer took a nose dive into a nightmare. One of the wires that controls the power adapter fried completely and I attempted to fix it, and in the process reset the bios battery... Which I actually have no idea what the bios battery does, but it did funny things for the computer, and made me freak out. We are waiting for a new power adapter to arrive so that we can hook it up and I can have a computer, but it is taking forever. It has been over a month and every time that I have to use the computer I have to hip-check Nick out of the way to use his. I feel horrible, but at the same time the computer was old and it was about time that something went wrong, and I am just glad it was only the power adapter.
Other than that, things are running smoothly in my life. We are ready for Christmas to come, our tree is up, and the place is somewhat decorated. We have all of our gifts purchased, and we have plans for the holiday that do not include traveling. We only have to walk two streets to go see my mother on Christmas, and we can relax! Thanksgiving was spent with Nick's family, and it was a little surprising that it was not a complete mess. Everyone was fairly nice, and there were only a few spiteful comments made in my direction the entire day. I am beginning to think that Nick's family really does not like me because we don't travel as much anymore, but I can't really help that I do not have a job right now. I have applied just about everywhere that I know an am really hoping that some of the applications that are reaching their deadlines will finally open up opportunities that I deserve.
I am excited to get back to blogging. I watched "Julie and Julia" and it was about a girl who worked her way through Julia Child's cookbook for an entire year, and blogged about it. It was really good, and I was thinking that possibly I will blog about something useful. Not sure what, but I might come up with something.
Anyway, today is filled with movies while I sit on the couch an avoid going outside in the horrible weather, and baking dog biscuits. My brother's dog is getting a slow-feed dog bowl due to his binging problem which causes him to be hungry all of the time, and in order to make him a little happier about the frustration that he will have to endure for the rest of his life, I am making him homemade dog biscuits. They are mostly healthy, and contain nothing bad for the dog, and quite possibly would be ok for a human to eat! I am going to dip them in a beef gravy "frosting" before I give them to him, and even he will have a happy holiday! Hopefully you will too!
Things have been so hectic, and I am actually without a computer at the moment. My computer took a nose dive into a nightmare. One of the wires that controls the power adapter fried completely and I attempted to fix it, and in the process reset the bios battery... Which I actually have no idea what the bios battery does, but it did funny things for the computer, and made me freak out. We are waiting for a new power adapter to arrive so that we can hook it up and I can have a computer, but it is taking forever. It has been over a month and every time that I have to use the computer I have to hip-check Nick out of the way to use his. I feel horrible, but at the same time the computer was old and it was about time that something went wrong, and I am just glad it was only the power adapter.
Other than that, things are running smoothly in my life. We are ready for Christmas to come, our tree is up, and the place is somewhat decorated. We have all of our gifts purchased, and we have plans for the holiday that do not include traveling. We only have to walk two streets to go see my mother on Christmas, and we can relax! Thanksgiving was spent with Nick's family, and it was a little surprising that it was not a complete mess. Everyone was fairly nice, and there were only a few spiteful comments made in my direction the entire day. I am beginning to think that Nick's family really does not like me because we don't travel as much anymore, but I can't really help that I do not have a job right now. I have applied just about everywhere that I know an am really hoping that some of the applications that are reaching their deadlines will finally open up opportunities that I deserve.
I am excited to get back to blogging. I watched "Julie and Julia" and it was about a girl who worked her way through Julia Child's cookbook for an entire year, and blogged about it. It was really good, and I was thinking that possibly I will blog about something useful. Not sure what, but I might come up with something.
Anyway, today is filled with movies while I sit on the couch an avoid going outside in the horrible weather, and baking dog biscuits. My brother's dog is getting a slow-feed dog bowl due to his binging problem which causes him to be hungry all of the time, and in order to make him a little happier about the frustration that he will have to endure for the rest of his life, I am making him homemade dog biscuits. They are mostly healthy, and contain nothing bad for the dog, and quite possibly would be ok for a human to eat! I am going to dip them in a beef gravy "frosting" before I give them to him, and even he will have a happy holiday! Hopefully you will too!
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